There Can Be Only One!

Would you rather be a part of the Mike World Order or the MoP World Order?

For your consideration, I submit the results of my latest quiz:

What Famous Leader Are You?
personality tests by similarminds.com

Believe.

Personality Disorder? Which Personality Are We Talking About?

Disorder	Rating
Paranoid:	Low
Schizoid:	Low
Schizotypal:	Low
Antisocial:	Low
Borderline:	Low
Histrionic:	Moderate
Narcissistic:	Moderate
Avoidant:	Low
Dependent:	Low
Obsessive-Compulsive:	Moderate
-- Personality Disorder Test -- -- Personality Disorder Information --

I laughed at the Maximum Leader's results for this quiz until I took it myself. Now ML is frightening me . . .

Believe.

Survey

I hope I didn't screw anything up.

Believe.

Go Vote!

Greetings, loyal minions. Your Maximum Leader sees that the lovely Annika has a neat poll question up on her blog. (It is there on the left side nav bar. In black with purple-ish lettering.) The question is: If Lara Croft and Beatrix Kiddo were given orders to kill each other who would win?

Well... Beatrix Kiddo of course.

Alas, some of the voters don't seem to agree. So go and vote for Kiddo!

Carry on.

A Survey for Science!

Greetings, loyal minions. Your Maximum Leader went and took that MIT weblog survey you may have seen links to around. Want proof?



If you are a blogger and haven't taken the survey, you might want to.

Carry on.

Shelby Foote RIP

Greetings, loyal minions. Your Maximum Leader reads that Shelby Foote has died.

Your Maximum Leader, a student of history, has never been a particular fan of the US Civil War. But he has always been a fan of Shelby Foote. Your Maximum Leader picked up (years ago) in a second-hand bookstore a copy of "The Stars in their Courses." That small book is the republished chapters on Gettysburg from Foote's masterpiece "The Civil War: A Narrative." Your Maximum Leader was so taken by Foote's style and flowing prose that he went out and read all three volumes of "The Civil War." Since then, no other writing on that period will ever do for your Maximum Leader.

Your Maximum Leader also remembers a 3 hour interview with Foote conducted by Brian Lamb of C-Span a number of years ago. Your Maximum Leader watched the whole thing live. Foote was elevated to a much high plane for your Maximum Leader that day. What a thoughtful and learned man. Your Maximum Leader wanted to meet Shelby Foote and shake his hand. Alas, that will not happen.

Shelby Foote, resquiscat in pace.

Carry on.

More Silly Quizzes

Greetings, loyal minions. Your Maximum Leader presents his latest batch of silly quiz results (this quiz found at Club Mercutio):

Disorder	Rating
Paranoid:	High
Schizoid:	High
Schizotypal:	Moderate
Antisocial:	Low
Borderline:	Low
Histrionic:	Moderate
Narcissistic:	Very High
Avoidant:	Low
Dependent:	Low
Obsessive-Compulsive:	High
-- Personality Disorder Test -- -- Personality Disorder Information --

Apparently your Maximum Leader is a Paranoid/Schizophrenic Narcissist with OCD. Like that is news...

Carry on.

Damn the FEC!

Greetings, loyal minions. Your Maximum Leader is very anxious to hear what the impact of today's testimony by various bloggers before the FEC will be. Today some bloggers will be up fighting against proposed FEC regulations concerning blogs. If you haven't been keeping up with this story, your Maximum Leader will recommend this page which is a subdomain of Red State.org.

Frankly your Maximum Leader doesn't see how a blog is much different than a private broadsheet of the 18th century. What you see is what you get. Campaigns paying political fellow-traveller bloggers to write flattering stuff on their behalf is about as stupid a thing as your Maximum Leader has ever thought of. (Like the Kerry Campaign - or other Democrat-affiliated campaign paying Kos last year.) Whereas paying an non-like-minded blogger to write flattering stuff about your campaign is completely friggin brilliant. (Yet untried...)

(Super-duper Sekrit Message to Senator Hillary R. Clinton and her staff: Your Maximum Leader, while not cheap, is surprisingly affordable. You've already got the Minister of Propaganda in your pocket. And your Maximum Leader is sure that for a "farm concession" in the Finger Lakes area of New York the Smallholder could be bought too.)

Your Maximum Leader hopes, but does not expect, the FEC does not promulagate new regulations concerning blogs. Indeed, he figures that some regulation is inevitable. One can only hope that some wacky threshhold is set below which blogs will be unregulated. Say $25,000. So if you get less than $25,000 from political organizations to write blogs, then you would be unregulated...

Once the Government gets it in its collective mind to regulate something they are as single-minded as the Wee Villain when he spies a cookie on the table. Your Maximum Leader thinks that expecting the FEC to not create regulations is foolhearty. (Foolhearty... Heh... Just like your Maximum Leader's (former) belief that private land could only be absconded with by the Government for a legitimate public purpose.) One can only hope that the regulations are as limited as possible.

Carry on.

Tuesday Post: Chick Flicks vs. Guy Picks

This week, the Men's Club and the Demystifying Divas are posting on the subject of movies, specifically the negotiations involved in choosing whether to see a chick flick or a guy film when on a date. As some minions may know, I live in Los Angeles and I work in the Industry, so movies are a big part of my life. I love going to the theater, sitting down with some choice refreshments (small popcorn, cherry coke, and a movie-style box of 'bunch of crunch'), and watching a film on the big screen. I love it so much that, when I'm not working, I'll probably see three or four movies a week -- several screenings without any company at all. Plus I can take a tax write-off for 'business research,' which makes the experience even sweeter.

Coincidentally, I also love going on dates. So taking a nice lady to the movie theater is something I do on a fairly regular basis. However, there are certain movies I don't ever want to see, no matter the tax benefits, and avoiding these films when in the romantic company of a lady demands a little forethought. Be aware that if you reach the point where you're negotiating the choice of film, you've already lost this battle: negotiation involves compromise, and sooner or later you're going to find yourself trapped in a screening of "Le Divorce." What I'm suggesting is more properly considered manipulation. While the undertaking has it's own risks, you can almost guarantee that, if properly approached, you may never have to see a film with a clothed Meg Ryan again.

If you're going to assume this challenge, it's important to be prepared. First, you have to be familiar with all of the films currently screening in your area. I read the LA Weekly without fail on Thursday when it hits the stands, reviewing not only the films in release but also the schedules of the major theaters. When guiding a conversation about movie choices, you need to have options for both specific films and specific venues at the ready: the Arclight in LA is a great place for a movie date, but if you get there and the only movie that fits your timetable is "The Perfect Man," you are totally screwed.

Second, know the lady you're manipulating negotiating with. This is why movies make poor first dates. If you know she has a weakness for gag-inducing romantic comedies, you better be prepared with something else she's going to enjoy from your list, like an Owen Wilson comedy or an action movie with Angelina Jolie. Talk to her about her favorite movies, her opinion of last year's Oscar winners, and her DVD collection before you schedule a movie evening. If you've done solid research, there are very few films that can't be made into a date event. Sometimes the choice is less about the specific movie than which female you invite to the movie you already want to see. There are indeed girls out there that actually do want to see the latest sci-fi or horror flick - trust me on this, gentlemen - but if you don't know exactly who they are in your dating circle, there's nothing I can do to help you.

Once you're armed (knowledge is power), you're ready to call the lady and suggest a movie date. The key-phrase to remember now is 'First Strike!' Suggest your vetted movie as part of the invitation, and be ready with an immediate second choice. This is where your research is going to pay off. Don't try and sneak in "Layer Cake" (british gangsters) or "My Summer of Love" (british lesbians) if the research doesn't support it: if your first two suggestions off the bat are films that she definitely doesn't want to see, you've wasted the first-strike opportunity. Now you've given her an opening, and when she counters with her first choice (a movie that stars, say, Lindsay Lohan and a small automobile), how are you going to get out of seeing it without revealing yourself as the selfish prick you are?

Certainly, I have three distinct advantages in this undertaking that will not be shared by all of our readers. First, I live in LA, so there is always an abundant selection of films currently in theaters, with every genre fairly represented. Second, I tend to date women who are also in the Industry, so their tastes in films tends to be a little broader then the general public, thereby giving me a little wiggle room in my suggestions. Finally, since I'm not married or in a committed relationship, not every screening I attend has to involve a specific woman, or visa versa. If every movie you see is always with the same person, then a little compromise is sadly inevitable (I'll let my married cohorts speak of this in more detail). I feel particularly sorry for my married friends that can't even take the benefit of the tax write-off. Of course, there are trade-offs in a commitment, and if you've managed as a couple to solve the great challenges of the toilet seat and the remote control, then agreeing on a movie shouldn't really be any challenge at all.

For more Men's Club posts on the same topic check out Phin and Puffy; the Wizard is taking a break this week, probably so he can go and see a movie with the wife.

For for ladies' points-of-view, be sure to visit Sadie, Kathy, Christina, Silk, and this week's diva guest-blogger, Margi.

Please, however, don't tell them I sent you. Let's just keep my advice on this topic between ourselves.

Believe.

Joe Scarborough... Dead to Me. (UPDATED)

Greetings, loyal minions. Your Maximum Leader sometimes happens to be watching a TV program and the host, guest, talking-head says something so absolutely moronic or otherwise offensive that it becomes impossible for your Maximum Leader to watch that person ever again.

On Septemeber 11, 2001, your Maximum Leader watched Peter Jennings for the last time. After the World Trade Center had collasped and we were still wondering what was next, Peter Jennings was showing live feed of Palistinians cheering and dancing in the streets of Gaza. That much your Maximum Leader could live with (as hard as it was to see). But then Jennings said something to the effect of "well you can understand why they are so happy considering how the US behaves." At that point your Maximum Leader switched off Peter Jennings forever.

Well, in a much less egregious outburst, Joe Scarborough of MSNBC is now on the list that is best described as "He/She is dead to me."

This is not to say that your Maximum Leader watched a lot of Joe Scarborough. He doesn't. But once and a while your Maximum Leader might stay on Scarborough's show if the guests and topics seem interesting.

Last night Scarborough was talking to various people about the horrible shark attacks in Florida. Then in wrapping up the segment Scarborough said the words that will forever echo in your Maximum Leader's ears and make it impossible for him to watch Scarborough ever again.

Joe Scarborough said, "If we could understand shark culture better we might be able to avoid these attacks."

What?!?!? Your Maximum Leader turned to Mrs. Villain and said, "He didn't really just say we needed to "understand shark culture" did he?" To which Mrs. Villain responded that in fact that was what he said.

Understand shark culture?

Is Joe Scarborough just a huge fucking idiot? They must wipe the drool off his chin during commerical breaks to hide that fact from viewers.

Understand shark culture?

Great jeezey chreezey. Somehow it is comforting to know that if only we would bother to translate the literature of the shark, we could avoid sharks attacking humans. We should feel guilty for not knowing the intricacies of shark interpretive dance. There would never be another shark on human attack if we could marvel at the splendor of the great underwater shark cities and grow to know their ancient history. Shark feeding frenzies off the beaches would be harmful only to baitfish if we could read the poetry of the shark Maya Angelou or ponder the profundity of the shark Plato.

Of course, it is partially the fault of the sharks. Have they bothered to understand our culture? Have they read Faulkner, Tolstoy, or Hardy? Do they know the tales of Hemmingway? (Okay, scratch Hemmingway...) Have they seen the pyramids?

We just don't understand each other...

Joe Scarborough. Thank you for educating your Maximum Leader about what he doesn't know about shark culture. While your Maximum Leader will now never watch your show ever again, please know that you will not be cancelled in the MWO. You are just the type of blathering moron your Maximum Leader will need to keep on the air to feed mindless tripe to the masses.

Understand shark culture.... What a friggin' idiot.

Carry on.

UPDATE: Okay. Your Maximum Leader thought he'd best check the transcript of the show to be sure... Well, here is the transcript.

Joe Scarborough said the following:

SCARBOROUGH: Man, I'm afraid you're right. You're mixing-you're mixing two different species, two different cultures. And, unfortunately, the results are tragic.

Okay. He didn't say we needed to "understand shark culture." But he did say that mixing two different cultures produced tragic results.

Again your Maximum Leader says "Shark Culture?" What the hell is shark culture?

Not like it makes much difference. Scarborough is still dead to me.

Carry on.

PETA and Rick Santorum... Perfect Together.

Greetings, loyal minons. Your Maximum Leader saw a catchy headline on the news wire. And afterall isn't that what a headline is supposed to be? Catchy. Something that will grab your attention and make you read.... But your Maximum Leader digresses. The headline was: Animal Groups Praise Sen. Rick Santorum.

Of course, the first Animal Rights group your Maximum Leader thought of was PETA. And sure enough, they are the group praising Rick Santorum. As surprising as that may sound. It seems the junior Senator from the Commonwealth of Pennsylvania has introducted legislation to help end puppy mills.

The money quote: "Obviously, the life of animals is fundamentally different than the life of a human being. But to me, we have a responsibility to God's creatures to treat them humanely, and the government's laws should reflect that."

There you have it. Politics does make strange bedfellows.

And your Maximum Leader thinks that puppy mills are bad. But puppies, in general, are good.

Carry on.

Bridget...

Greetings, loyal minions. Your Maximum Leader doesn't know what he can say about the link below:

Down for Repairs : Undeliverable Mail.

So for the sake of our own Minister of Propaganda, to whom the post is dedicated (along with Phin); it is posted without comment.

Carry on.

Sharks

Greetings, loyal minions. Your Maximum Leader, thanks to his dear college roommate, is always on the prowl for neat shark stories. Alas, the past weekend has been filled with sad shark stories.

In case you missed it, on Saturday a 14 year old girl was killed when a shark repeatedly attacked her off the coast of Destin, Florida. Now it seems a young boy has been attacked off the Florida panhandle.

Two attacks in three days. One fatal and this one "critical." Your Maximum Leader certainly does feel for the parents and friends of the children. He also doesn't wish anyone be attacked by sharks.

One wonders what could be causing those sharks to attack these kids? From everything your Maximum Leader has heard sharks are not man-eaters but "man-biters." It is almost as if there is something particularly unflavourful about humans to a shark. At least until recently...

So is there a reason? Is this one bad shark? Is the shark's normal prey in short supply? Have the sharks finally caught on that Americans are fat and tender? Are people just behaving badly in the water?

(Excursus: Okay... That whole line about Americans being fat and tasty is a little much. Your Maximum Leader will say a decade worth of Hail Mary's in atonement.)

One wonders. Of course one wonders if this will cause a spat of sportsfishermen to head to Florida to kill them some sharks... If so, one hopes that they could freeze some of the fins and send them to your Maximum Leader so that he can get a little fresh Shark Fin soup. Which he does love in fact, but rarely gets for two reasons. First, is that he objects to killing sharks for the fins only. Second, it is prohibitively expensive in the few restaurants which serve it.

Humm... One can also hope that no one else is attacked...

Carry on.

Velociman Speaks!

Greetings, loyal minions. Your Maximum Leader has been waiting for a while for the long promised Velociman interview over on Sadie's site. Now it is a reality. Go. Read. Now.

Your Maximum Leader especially likes the part about what's wrong with kids nowadays.

Carry on.

Another Blogger Met!

Greetings, loyal minions. Your Maximum Leader had the great pleasure of spending last evening in the company of the Smallholder and Bill of Bill's Comments. Bill was travelling to the greater Dee Cee area this week and we conspired to meet. Your Maximum Leader was recovered enough from his bout of flu to go out, and the Smallholder was pulled away from the daily chores that are a farmer's life.

Smallholder drove from the farm up to the Villainschloss. From there your Maximum Leader drove the Villainmobile up to Bill's hotel. Bill was very much what your Maximum Leader expected. He is an open and engaging person. He can tell a good story. And you can tell he has a good brain and a good heart.

We had dinner at the Peking Gourmet Restaurant on Leesburg Pike (Rt 7) near Bailey's Crossroads. Dinner consisted of Hot & Sour Soup, Peking Duck, Szechuan Beef, and Chicken and Garlic Sprouts. After a leisurely meal we hopped in the Villainmobile for a quick driving tour of some of the sites in Dee Cee.

All in all it was a great excursion and a great opportunity to humanize another blogger for whom your Maximum Leader has great respect and considers a friend.

If you (reading minion) happen to be in the Greater Washington DC area and would like to meet your Maximum Leader, shoot him an email.

Carry on.

Book Meme

Greetings, loyal minions. Your Maximum Leader was "tagged" a few days ago by Buckethead of the Ministry of Minor Perfidy with that rather infectous book meme. Between your Maximum Leader being sick and just having a shitty 2 weeks, he is just now getting around to responding.

NB to Smallholder: Bill tagged you with this you know.

That all said... Here goes your Maximum Leader's response...

1. Total Number of Books I Own: Your Maximum Leader tried counting them all, but it was taking too long. He counted the hardcover and trade paperback books in the bookcases filled with books that are "his" and not "ours". "Our" books are books owned (through marriage) by both your Maximum Leader and Mrs. Villain. But Mrs. Villain (a teacher) has lots of childrens books which your Maximum Leader didn't feel right counting. Anyho... The "his" count hit 1644. There were probably a significant number of regular paperbacks not counted (perhaps another 200-300). And, in case you care, Mrs Villain estimates her book count at nearly 1100.

2. The Last Book I Bought: Humm... Your Maximum Leader preordered the latest Harry Potter book (Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince) last week. Does that count? The last one he bought in a bookstore was a reference manual for Macromedia Dreamweaver. Sorta sad actually...

3. The Last Book I Read: Does that manual for Dreamweaver count? Your Maximum Leader is poking through it. The book he is trying to finish is "I am Charlotte Simmons" by Tom Wolfe. He has gotten about 80% of the way through, and he just doesn't want to read further. This is unusual because he really likes Wolfe's books. In this case your Maximum Leader just doesn't care about Charlotte or Hoyt or any of the other characters. Why would your Maximum Leader want to care about some self-absorbed college kids who are pretty vacuous? He will probably plough through it in the next week or so, just to have it done.

4. Five Books That Mean a Lot to Me: Very very tough. If you ask your Maximum Leader the same question in a month, he may give you a completely different set of answers....

Shogun by James Clavell. Your Maximum Leader has read this book too many times to count. It is a compelling story. Moved by interesting characters. And filled with sex, intruigue, politics, and war. Great great stuff. Your Maximum Leader will just pick up Shogun; open it and start reading. He has worn out two paperback editions. (Perhaps he should splurge and buy a hardback.)

Rationalism in Politics by Michael Oakeshott. Two of the most important essays your Maximum Leader has ever read are in this volume. They are "Rationalism in Politics" and "On History as a Profession." Both excellent essays. "Rationalism" is a very influential article in your Maximum Leader's political thought. And "On History" has one of the greatest lines ever written about the study of history. (Paraphrasing) Oakeshott wrote, "History is a coy mistress with whom you talk no sense." Magnificent.

Leviathan by Thomas Hobbes. Your Maximum Leader sings the glories of Hobbes with some regularity so he will not do so again now. But for all of you who are in love with Locke remember this... Locke is just Hobbes for people with no guts.

Five Days in May, London 1940 by John Lukacs. Right now this your Maximum Leader's favourite book about Winston Churchill. Lukacs has a flowing style and is an easy read. He paints a clear picture about the absolutely dire situation in which Churchill found himself upon becoming Premier in 1940. If you ever thought that there was no way the Allies could have lost WWII, read this book and think again.

The History of English Speaking Peoples by Winston Churchill. It was hard to choose a favourite title by Churchill. Your Maximum Leader chose this one because its scope and sense of its own dramatic narrative make it a fun as well as educational read. Just about any Churchill book is worth the time. He did win the Nobel Prize for Literature afterall...

Your Maximum Leader will add one honourable mention here... Last Train to Memphis by Peter Guralnick. And excellent book not just describing the rise of Elvis Presley; but truly describing the cultural atmosphere in 1950s America and then dramatically showing why Elvis is such a transformational figure.

Your Maximum Leader will not "tag" others, but hopes some of the other bloggers here might go ahead and do this meme too.

Carry on.

Quiz: How will you die?

Wow. The quiz must know about my Mother in Law.

You scored as Suicide. Your death will be suicide. What more can I say? Fact: Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. Suicide 87% Bomb 73% Posion 60% Cut Throat 47% Suffocated 33% Eaten 33% Accident 33% Gunshot 27% Disease 27% Stabbed 27% Drowning 27% Natural Causes 20% Disappear 13% How Will You Die?? created with QuizFarm.com

The "other" quiz

Uh... Ok. Someone needs to tell this to my wife.

You scored as Hot. You are Hot, you scream and are wild, people love doing anything sexual with you. Hot 69% Wet 63% Exciting 50% Sweet 44% Shy 44% Awkward 38% Soft 38% Violent 38% What is your sexual style? created with QuizFarm.com

The AirMarshal's religious quiz results

Not really the result I expected, but not really surprising. I didn't answer any questions about belief in God with a negative in the quiz, though, leading me to question the way results are calculated. For the record, i don't consider myself an atheist.

I'm surprised Islam ranks so high. I clicked on "Strongly disagree" on the questions related to martyrdom, blowing up cars, and burqua's.

You scored as atheism. You are... an atheist, though you probably already knew this. Also, you probably have several people praying daily for your soul. Instead of simply being "nonreligious," atheists strongly believe in the lack of existence of a higher being, or God. atheism 79% agnosticism 79% Islam 67% Satanism 63% Buddhism 50% Judaism 50% Paganism 46% Hinduism 29% Christianity 21% Which religion is the right one for you? (new version) created with QuizFarm.com

Why? Why? Why?

Greetings, loyal minions. Your Maximum Leader is beginning to feel better after his viral bout of the past few days. But there are other headaches troubling him now. This has not been a good fortnight. (But Sadie at Fist Full of Fortnights is always delightful...) Anyho...

Now your Maximum Leader (except for that whole Mike World Order thingie) is just as patriotic as the next American. And perhaps he is more patriotic than some Americans. But one issue on which many patirotic Americans differ with your Maximum Leader is the issue of an Amendment to the United States Constitution to outlaw burning of the American flag. Every time the issue comes up in the House of Representatives your Maximum Leader cringes. Why? Why? Why? Must we continually revisit this tired, useless proposal year after year. And why, when we have many more serious issues facing our Republic, must our elected representatives continue to waste time passing said Amendments?

Think of the time. Committee Hearings. Three Readings on the Floor of the House. Floor debate. Printing and Reprinting of the Amendment in the Congressional Record. 435 House members salaries. Their Staff's salaries. Congressional Support Staff Salaries. All used to push through an Amendment that will likely fail in the Senate. And if not there, surely fail to be ratified by the requisite number of States.

And you know... Let your Maximum Leader pull out that old canard argument about disposing of old, threadworn flags. You are supposed to burn them (with respect) to dispose of them. How does an Amendment address that? Are we going to have a special landfill for old US Flags.

Your Maximum Leader loves our flag. (Although he would make some stylistic changes if he could.) He respects the flag and the ideals it stands for. He would never burn or desecrate it to make a public protest (or private protest) statement. But don't we have better things to do?

Your Maximum Leader would prefer that Congress do nothing (indeed, that is his avowed position on most policy) than pass bad laws or Amendments.

Carry on.

Mens Club: Lies, Lies, Lies...

Greetings, loyal minions. Your Maximum Leader has been puking sick the past few days. It seems whatever viral fate befell the Villainettes last week has now befallen your Maximum Leader. This has made thinking of a witty and engaging post for the weekly Men's Club/Diva's post very hard... So if it appears as though your Maximum Leader is just "phoning in" this entry it is because he is...

When your Maximum Leader first thought of the whole topic of lies you might tell your significant other he was stymied. You see, your Maximum Leader doesn't lie to Mrs. Villain. Honesty is a foundation stone of our relationship. And this is the way it is supposed to be. One shouldn't tell lies to your spouse. It can only end badly. This is not to say that your Maximum Leader doesn't, from time to time, withhold the whole truth from Mrs. Villain. He has on occasion. But he will not lie to her.

But then your Maximum Leader's mind turned to dating and romance. What lies are told in the winning of booty? Should lies be told while you are pitching woo? Of course, your Maximum Leader's classically liberal education caused him to think of the Sun Tzu of love, Ovid. Surely Ovid, that great Roman Poet and dispenser of advice in the matter of love, had something to say about lying. Ovid didn't disappoint. Here is a passage from The Art of Love:

Don't be shy of making promises; women are fair game
For promise-makers; invoke any god you care to name
To witness your oath. Jupiter from above
Smiles on the perjuries of men in love
And bids the Aeolian winds shred them in air.
He himself would often swear
To Juno with a hollow
"By the Styx!," and now he favours all who would follow
His bad example. That gods should exist
Is expedient; let us therefore not resist
Belief in them; let incense and wine be given
On their ancient hearths, for the ones in heaven
Don't loll about in a sort of half-sleep,
They're everywhere; so live virtuously, keep
Safe and return loans; honour your bond, eschew
Fraud, and have nothing to do
With bloodshed. A wise man will cheat
No one but women - it's not a risky feat,
And only here there's a kind of duty in deceit.
Deceive the decievers! Since for the most part
They fib, let them fall, snared by their own art!

So the great Ovid suggests that while reputable men should avoid bloodshed and fraud, and men should try to be virtuous; all bets are off when it comes to wooing. Indeed, oaths sworn to "get some" aren't really binding.

Perhaps, like Jupiter, we (men that is) just can't help it. When single and on the prowl, we just can't restrain ourselves. It is like the testosterone shuts down the virtuous portions of our brain. We are prone to blurt out things like, "You know I love you baby." and "You're the only girl for me baby." just because our overarching desire to plant our seed overwhelms us.

Then again, there are the games women play with men. Knowing men are weak when faced with the prospect of fornication, women play this to their advantage. They can try to manipulate and manoever men to do what they want. Is this a form of lying or deceit? Probably. But, it is part of the game that is played by both sides in this little war of love.

So how to we overcome our base natures to move on to a more mature relationship? Your Maximum Leader isn't too sure of that. He knew from the beginning that Mrs. Villain wasn't like other women he dated. So he started off being honest and forthcoming.

This is not to say that your Maximum Leader was a lying bastard before Mrs. Villain. He wasn't. But he might have pretended to be a little more earnest, or a little more interested, or a little more devoted than he in fact was. He wasn't all bad. Indeed, he was behaving no worse than did Jupiter. If he could have appeared as a shower of gold or a swan to better his chances, he would have. (Although a woman who would allow a swan to have sex with her is not the type of girl your Maximum Leader would be interested in...)

Check out the other members of the Men's Club: Puffy, the Wizard, and Phin. Or if you would like the ladies' take on this subject, check out the Divas: Chrissy , Sadie , Kathy, Twisty and Silk.

Carry on.

the Poet Laureate's quiz results

I took both quizzes and discovered that my sexual style is "emergent/postmodern," while my religious orientation is "wet."


_

The FMs Theology

That was interesting

You scored as Evangelical Holiness/Wesleyan. You are an evangelical in the Wesleyan tradition. You believe that God's grace enables you to choose to believe in him, even though you yourself are totally depraved. The gift of the Holy Spirit gives you assurance of your salvation, and he also enables you to live the life of obedience to which God has called us. You are influenced heavly by John Wesley and the Methodists. Evangelical Holiness/Wesleyan 89% Reformed Evangelical 75% Fundamentalist 75% Neo orthodox 68% Charismatic/Pentecostal 64% Emergent/Postmodern 54% Classical Liberal 25% Modern Liberal 25% Roman Catholic 21% What's your theological worldview? created with QuizFarm.com

Jackfest is only about a month away! Can't wait!

back to the trenches

Quizes Are Hereby MANDATORY

Because I don't want him to get in trouble and I know he hasn't been posting for a while, I've gone ahead and acquired the "Sexual Style" quiz results for Smallholder:

You scored as Awkward. Well you are awkard...I don't know what to say.... Shy 100% Soft 100% Awkward 100% Sweet 94% Exciting 25% Wet 19% Hot 0% Violent 0% What is your sexual style? created with QuizFarm.com

Believe.

Two Can Play...

Greetings, loyal minions. Your Maximum Leader sees that his good Minister of Propaganda has found another quiz... Here are your Maximum Leader's results.

You scored as Hot. You are Hot, you scream and are wild, people love doing anything sexual with you. Hot 63% Exciting 56% Soft 44% Awkward 44% Wet 31% Shy 19% Violent 19% Sweet 13% What is your sexual style? created with QuizFarm.com

Carry on.

A More Relevant Quiz, per the MoP. . .

You scored as Hot. You are Hot, you scream and are wild, people love doing anything sexual with you. Hot 94% Exciting 75% Soft 69% Violent 69% Wet 50% Sweet 38% Awkward 25% Shy 0% What is your sexual style? created with QuizFarm.com

Now that's what I'm talking about!

Believe.

Theological Leanings . . .

Apparently there's a segment of modern christainity to accommodate even me:

You scored as Modern Liberal. You are a Modern Liberal. Science and historical study have shown so much of the Bible to be unreliable and that conservative faith has made Jesus out to be a much bigger deal than he actually was. Discipleship involves continuing to preach and practice Jesus' measure of love and acceptance, and dogma is not important in today's world. You are influenced by thinkers like Bultmann and Bishop Spong. Emergent/Postmodern 79% Modern Liberal 79% Classical Liberal 64% Neo orthodox 29% Reformed Evangelical 21% Evangelical Holiness/Wesleyan 21% Roman Catholic 14% Charismatic/Pentecostal 14% Fundamentalist 0% What's your theological worldview? created with QuizFarm.com

Nah, just kidding -- the quiz assumes a belief in God, whereas I'd probably be considered more of a 'modern liberal atheist.' I do love the quizes, however.

Believe.

Interesting Theological Quiz

Greetings, loyal minions. Your Maximum Leader found an interesting quiz over at TexasBestGrok. (Where he was visiting to vote for Mrs. Incredible.)

Results follow:

You scored as Classical Liberal. You are a classical liberal. You are sceptical about much of the historicity of the Bible, and the most important thing Jesus has done is to set us a good moral example that we are to follow. Doctrines like the trinity and the incarnation are speculative and not really important, and in the face of science and philosophy the surest way we can be certain about God is by our inner awareness of him. Discipleship is expressed by good moral behaviour, but inward religious feeling is most important. Classical Liberal 79% Modern Liberal 71% Emergent/Postmodern 64% Roman Catholic 61% Evangelical Holiness/Wesleyan 57% Neo orthodox 46% Reformed Evangelical 25% Charismatic/Pentecostal 21% Fundamentalist 11% What's your theological worldview? created with QuizFarm.com

Nothing earth-shattering here. But the questions were interesting.

Carry on.

Runaway Bride - The Movie!!!

Greetings, loyal minions. Your Maximum Leader sees that the whole Jennifer Wilbanks story will not die. And, because it requires so little mental effort on his part to write a blog post about this subject, he will jump on the bandwagon of continuing commenters.

Your Maximum Leader reads that Jennifer Wilbanks (aka: The Runaway Bride) may get movie deal.

Well, your Maximum Leader certainly hopes she will. Why do you ask? First off, so she can buy a damned bra that fits properly. The second attibute (after her deer-in-the-headlights look) he noticed in that news footage of Ms. Wilbanks walking in (and subsequently out) of the courthouse was her chest. (Your Maximum Leader is a man... What can he do?) What the hell was her lawyer thinking by having her wear that suit thingie with a white tee shirt. And if you looked at the white tee shirt you would see the bra line. And right above the bra line you saw that uncomfortable little bulge of breast-barely-restrained-by-bra.

Now, some of you may want to call your Maximum Leader crazy for this... But he finds ill-fitting bras something of a turn off. This stands in stark contrast to his love of panty-lines. (Your Maximum Leader is great and contains multitudes...) Don't misunderstand him here... He likes heaving breasts just as much as (and possibly more than) the next guy. But there is something about a white tee shirt and a small bra, especially when going to a court appearance, that strikes your Maximum Leader as wrong.

Of course, if she was wearing a Naked Villainy t-shirt, your Maximum Leader might change his tune about the small bra thing.

Your Maximum Leader also wonders about the movie... What story is there to tell? Mixed up girl gets cold feet before big wedding and splits. There is no story in that.

Now if some pornographer bought the story... Then there is a movie there. Really now, if you read the statement Wilbanks made to the FBI you can tell there is a porn film in that (fake) story. The (fake) story would have to be filmed. There is girl on girl and girl/girl/boy action going on there... They could do it in a dream sequence...

Anyho... If there is a movie, your Maximum Leader will not run out and see it.

He will not even wait for the DVD...

Carry on.

Many Thanks...

Greetings, loyal minions. Your Maximum Leader thanks all of you who sent him birthday greetings. He will especially single out the Big Hominid for re-running one of his favourite posts ever. (Hey! That doesn't look like your Maximum Leader's sainted mother... NB to the Big Hominid: Your Trafalgar post was quite good, and yet another sign that you can never predict what you might read on your blog.)

Your Maximum Leader would also like to thank Sadie, Bill, Witnit, Annika, Mr. & Mrs. P, and Phin for their tributes. (NB to Phin: Your e-card (aka: booty gram) didn't open correctly... But your Maximum Leader followed the links and saw the choices (NSFW). Any of them would have been great. Also, thanks for the dwarfette photo on the blog. Magic of the movies and all... Heh.)

Also, your Maximum Leader would like to thank Buckethead, Minion Molly, and our own Minister of Propganda for their kind e-mails.

Your Maximum Leader thanks reader Elaine for sending the birthday wishes and a photo of yourself in the... all-together as it were... Minions baring all for your Maximum Leader is greatly appreciated....

What?

Oh... That last one from Elaine might be spam... Regardless...

For the record, your Maximum Leader had a positively shitty day yesterday. He finally did log into the PC around 11pm and read the kind birthday wishes before he retired for the evening. One could say it was, in fact, the high point of the day.

Your Maximum Leader hopes to post more tomorrow or over the weekend. Perhaps he'll just waste away playing games and trying to save the Republic and the Jedi Order.

Carry on.

Star Wars III

Okay, a little late, I know, but I finally saw Star Wars III last night.

Spoiler alert: It sucked.

Everyone reviewing this movie has been brainwashed by the magic of low expectations. "Better than the first two" is not a ringing endorsement, particularly when the first two were the lowest pieces of sequel crap foisted upon an eager public since 'Highlander: The Quickening." Nevermind the dialogue, which of course is bad. The action sequences and overall plot don't make a lick of sense.

Sure, everything is left "just right" for the real Star Wars, "A New Hope" -- but where's the challenge in that? George Lucas probably stuck episode IV in the DVD player and took notes. And while every other transition suggests a great deal of action and plot development between movies, everything between episodes III and IV is set up and left in the freezer, nevermind that it's at least 16 years between the two movies. I wanted to cry seeing how eager Lucas was to zip the movies up so tight. Is it really necessary for us to melt the Emperor's face so he looks now the way he's going to look in 'Return of the Jedi?' C'mon now!

Additionally, I just don't believe a single element of the transition. Obi Wan drops Luke off and just disappears into the desert? Yoda, the greatest fighter and leader the Jedi's have ever known, goes into hiding for almost two decades on the off-chance that this little kid, abandoned on a desert planet, is going to come around again and save everyone? What a couple of assholes.

And Chewbacca? WTF?!! Why is he even in this movie? I'm surprised Luke and Han weren't playmates in the nursery.

George Lucas may be rich, but his movies suck. I told better stories with my action figures when I was ten. Seriously.

Believe.

Birthday Tribute!

I've posted my birthday tribute to Mike the Maximum Leader over on my blog (see here), but instead of re-posting the raunchy, not-work-safe photo here, I'll simply wish the old boy a happy 36th birthday and let him get back to plucking his pubes.

My minions love me... (ploink)
They love me not... (ploink)


_

What is appropriate summer beach wear?

Summer time, summer time, sum, sum summertime.

I have to admit that I have grown accustomed to the General European attitude to women's beach wear. Most 'beaches' in Europe are topless, and that is just fine by me.

For women, it might be more of a question of how you wear it, instead of what it is. One piece, two piece, thong, whatever, it does not matter what it is, as long as the style is flattering to your body shape.

That is a problem for most women as they will probably say that they dislike their body shape. What most women do not know is that, regardless of what 'shape' they are, there is probably someone out there that is checking them out and likes what he sees.

I was with a group of women at wine festival a few nights ago and this topic came up. It started with one girl in our group (5 women 2 men) making a comment about a German girl walking by. The discussion devolved into a feeding frenzy of critique amongst all the girls in our group. The other guy and I just sort of stood there puzzled for a while without saying anything. After a few minutes, the girls asked for our opinion of the female in question. My friend Steve said, 'I thought she was cute'. Then the eyes turn to me and waited for my evaluation.

'Shit', I said, draining my glass, 'I would drink her bath water!'

The debate ensued with a fevered pitch.

'Her thighs are huge'

'That is not her real hair color'

'Her boobs are shaped funny'

'She is too. . ..'

It went on and on and I finally said, 'Ok, lets try this. You pick a girl that you think that Steve and I SHOULD think is hot, and we will pick a guy that we think you would like'.

This turned out to be very interesting because, each side was searching for what was perceived to be the 'ideal' type. What it really showed was more of what we were self conscious about with our own bodies.

The result was that the women chose for us, tall, slim blondes with big hooters. We chose for them dark haired, tall and muscular looking men.

To make it more interesting, we then took turns in picking out who we thought was the hottest of the opposite sex that we could see from our vantage point (A very large festival tent with about 800 folks drinking and dancing in it).

While both groups 'liked' what the other group had chosen for them, the individual choices were drastically different that those chosen by the opposite group. Steve chose a dish water blonde of medium height with fantastic legs. I chose a tall, pale, red-head, that smiled and laughed a lot.

The girls were surprised that neither of our choices had big boobs. I explained to them that some guys are boob men, some are leg men, and some are ass men. And with a world as big as this, there were guys that liked just about everything under the sun.

'You do not believe me? I challenged, 'just Google 'naked chicks' and see for yourself'.

So for me, I much prefer what is in the swimwear than the garment itself. I just wish that the women that do go down to the beach would be self confident enough to wear what they want to wear and quite trying to hide their shapes behind towels and 'beach wraps' so that they can enjoy being there. While I hope that this is a little as possible, at the beach, anything goes.

Check out the other members of the Men's Club: Puffy, the Wizard, and Phin. Or if you would like the ladies' take on this subject, check out the Divas: Chrissy , Sadie , Kathy and Silk .

back to the trenches

Jackson Case... Weighing In...

Greetings, loyal minions. Your Maximum Leader got an earful last night. He had spent the whole day with a sick Villainette, but that wasn't going to stop Mrs. Villain for laying into your Maximum Leader upon learning the outcome of the Michael Jackson Trial.

You see, this is how it works at the Villainschloss. When a "high profile" trial concludes without a conviction of a "high profile defendant," Mrs. Villain declares that the jury were a bunch of idiots and "can't they see what he did?"

This is, of course, all your Maximum Leader's fault. Your Maximum Leader plays into this by almost always saying something to the effect of, "Honey, we don't know what the jury was thinking. We didn't listen to the whole of the evidence presented. We don't know that the news gave us the whole story. The jurors are probably doing the right thing anyway. If there is ANY REASONABLE DOUBT at all they must acquit."

Well... That is never the answer Mrs. Villain wants to hear. Last night your Maximum Leader was accused of "protecting a freak who goes down on little boys."

What can you say to counter that except, "Honey, I don't think anyone presented evidence of Michael Jackson giving a little boy a blow job..."

Then 15 minutes of debate on Michael Jackson performing fellatio on little boys ensued.

It was mighty fun at the Villainschloss last night. Can't you tell?

Excursus: And after all that, your Maximum Leader got thrown up on! A fun mixture of rice, bananas, a little toast and stomach acid!

Your Maximum Leader is generally willing to give the benefit of the doubt to the jury. In this case it seems that the jurors felt he was guilty of something. But it is not the job of the jury to convict because "something" was done wrong. It is the job of the jury to convict if they are positive that the crimes detailed in the indictment in this case wer committed. If they aren't 99% sure, then they acquit. Frankly, that is the system your Maximum Leader supports. (Except in the Mike World Order, which is another story...)

The Jackson camp is now saying that Michael will "change" and that he will not have little boys in bed. They say he will focus on rebuilding.

That is all fine and good. But if Michael Jackson is a pedophile, and your Maximum Leader is convinced he is, he will open himself up to more charges in the future. Because he cannot change his nature.

Carry on.

Do you know what day tomorrow is?

It's June 14, which gives all loyal minions only a single day to craft or purchase or slaughter their tributes for the Maximum Leader, who enjoys a glorious birthday on June 15.

Send him scads of porn. No, wait-- he gets plenty of spam to that effect as it is... as do we all, and gloriously so. So if you're a female blogger, send him a flash of your skin. I'm sure his wife will love that.

Write your Maximum Leader a poem*. Preferably one about the continued abasement of dwarves.

Send him some homemade cookies. He and his Villainous Family will dig those.

Send him a link to something so-veddy-British. I doubt he'll be able to resist posting the link, along with a Maximum Leaderly acknowledgement of the sender (unless, of course, the sender is a dwarf).

Send him excerpts from Democratic Underground. They're bound to make him laugh. Or send him an actual Democrat. Especially if the Dem is a dwarf. I hear the Maximum Leader has a special truncheon reserved for that species.

But whatever you do, do it fast. People who fail to provide tribute on the 15th will, of course, be summarily executed. Have a nice day.

---

*Annika-- Wednesday is Poetry Day!


_

Suspicions Confirmed!

Greetings, loyal minions. Your Maximum Leader hasn't had time to blog. It seems that a nasty virus has struck Villainette #1. And your Maximum Leader has done the fatherly thing and is tending to her in her time of need. Last night that consisted of sleeping on a rather large (and fairly luxurious) sofa with Villainette #1. Now, from time to time your Maximum Leader has actually slept on the sofa in question. (No giggling! It has mostly been a result of staying up late to watch tv and being too lazy to walk to bed.) But in the end, that sofa is not nearly as comfy as his extra firm king-sized bed. And it is made less comfy by a 7 year old moaning, thrashing, and waking up every 45 minutes to check to make sure you're still there.

Anyho...

You might remember that your Maximum Leader wrote last week about how he smelled a rat in the story of the Los Alamos whistleblower being beaten up at a strip club. Don't remember? Check it out.

Well, your Maximum Leader's narrative was, in fact, closer to the truth than some minions thought... Read all about it: Cops Debunk Whistleblower Beating

Another sign of your Maximum Leader's penetrating insight...

Carry on.

The Amazon Myth

Greetings, loyal minions. Your Maximum Leader remembers hearing in school (and during visits to the National Zoo in DC growing up) that "the Amazon jungles are the 'lungs' of the world." As he remembered it, some extraordinary amount of clean air was created by the jungles of the Amazon.

Of course, if the Amazon were the "lungs" of the earth, then clear-cutting the Amazon jungles for farming and development was a bad thing.

Now, your Maximum Leader is not going to take this space to argue about how exactly could one both preserve the Amazon jungle AND provide Brazilians (and other South Americans) with the means to develop their economy and raise themselves out of poverty. But he will entreat you to think about that on your own.

Excursus: Once, in graduate school, your Maximum Leader was in fact discussing with a friend how it seemed a little unreasonable that Americans should want Brazilians to not clear-cut the jungle and thereby stay poor for our benefit. In the course of discussing that very point your Maximum Leader's friend, who was/is a hard-core liberal Democratic trade-unionist from New York City, said in a moment of complete candor, "Fuck the Brazilians. I want my clean air. I don't care if they're poor. They shouldn't cut down the rainforests." There you have it...

Anyho...

According to the LA Times, Rain Forest Myth Goes Up in Smoke Over the Amazon. In the article many informed people are quoted as saying that Brazil is now one of the biggest producers of greenhouse gases. Brazil emits more carbon dioxide than Canada and Italy.

Now up to this point you are probably thinking, "So where is my Maximum Leader going with this?" Well, loyal minions, here is where he is going with it.

A very interesting passage of the article (on page two where you are less likely to see it) reads:

However, under the international environmental treaty known as the Kyoto Protocol, Brazil and other poor countries are not required to reduce their emissions of greenhouse gases. Nor does the accord contain financial incentives to encourage nations such as Brazil and Indonesia to rein in the destruction of their tropical forests.

"This is a very sensitive issue in Brazil and among developing countries," said Paulo Moutinho, research coordinator for the Amazon Institute of Environmental Studies. "If you want to include developing countries, especially countries with large areas of tropical forests, in some kind of mechanism to mitigate climate change, you need to compensate deforestation reduction."

Hummm. Could this actually be a sign that the Kyoto Protocol was a generally bad agreement? Your Maximum Leader seems to remember the Bush Administration being raked over the coals for refusing to approve the Kyoto Protocols because of massive loopholes like the one that doesn't require countries like Brazil (or China, or India) to disclose emissions. And then there is the other issue of compensation. If Western Nations don't want the jungles cleared, then it stands to reason that they ought to be willing to compensate the nations that own that jungle not to develop the jungle as farmland or industrial tracts.

Personally, your Maximum Leader has always thought that if one is able to seriously plan development in a nation like Brazil (a rather improbable proposition from which to begin); then one could minimize the ecological impact of development. Of course up to this point Brazil hasn't shown the inclination to minimize ecological impact of their development...

Anyway... There it is.

Carry on.

Pithy Thought

Greetings, loyal minions. Your Maximum Leader was perusing other blogs last night and meant to comment on this post at Eric's site.

Your Maximum Leader loves the bumper sticker:

Knowledge is power.
Power corrupts.
Study hard.
Be evil.

Would it be too much to make a little syllogism out of that? Like this:

If you study hard you'll gain knowledge.
Knowledge is power.
Power corrupts.
Corruption thru power makes you evil.
If you study hard, you'll be evil.

The bloggers of Naked Villainy studied hard.
Thus the bloggers of Naked Villainy are quite knowledgeable.
Thus the bloggers of Naked Villainy are powerful.
Thus the bloggers of Naked Villainy are evil.
QED

Okay... Maybe that is a little too geeky. But really, when has being geeky ever really stopped your Maximum Leader from posting anything...

Carry on.

They Quote Him... They Really Quote Him...

Greetings, loyal minions. Your Maximum Leader looks over at Dr. Rusty and smiles... He's got lots of traffic. He has BlogAds. And now "the Media" is quoting him.

Really. See: The Jawa Report: BIG Media FINALLY Givin' Me R-E-S-P-E-C-T

Congrats Rusty.

Carry on.

Playful, Whimisical, Happy Robots...

Greetings, loyal minions. Your Maximum Leader sees that at the World Robot Association meeting in Nagakute, Japan, there are robots that can dance, make candy, and hit 100 mph fastballs. With these advances it is only a matter of time before we get Cylons coming to destroy us.

Or seduce us... As the case may be.

Carry on.

Congratulations Michigan

Greetings, loyal minions. Your Maximum Leader was riveted to his large screen high def TV last night watching the final game of the Womens College World Series. And in case you missed it, Michigan won WCWS pennant.

As your Maximum Leader blogged the other day, it was a thrilling series. And you may have noticed Phin's Softball blog as well. In which Phin regaled us with the glories of women's athletics. Of which there are many.

He hopes that with two recommendations you might have watched the game. It was great. It went into extra innings and won with a 3 run homer by a Freshman player, Samantha Findlay of Michigan. It was a wonderful thing to watch.

Many congratulations to the women of Michigan. You played wonderfully and deserve the trophy.

Now go and par-tay some.

Carry on.

Naval Thoughts

Greetings, loyal minions. Your Maximum Leader is quite busy today. And as much as he would like to comment on this very thoughtful post from Buckethead at The Ministry of Minor Perfidy, he cannot right now.

Let it suffice to say that your Maximum Leader (who agrees that Battleships are sexy but completely out of place in today's theatre of operations) generally agrees with Buckethead on this one. (Which makes two in a row. First Frank Lloyd Wright. Now the future of our Navy.)

Your Maximum Leader isn't quite sure he's in full agreement with the rapidity of how quickly the Carrier will become obsolete. Perhaps with improvements in naval aviation and specilization of support ships the age of the Carrier can continue for decades more. But the truth is that the Carrier's reign as queen of the seas is fading. The thought of Carriers having a useful lifespan of 50+ years (like B-52s for example) is unlikely.

The idea of space based military systems is one that must be seriously examined now for deployment in the future. (But we probably want to worry about the development of killer robots. Well almost all killer robots. There might be one or two that are acceptable...)

Carry on.

Elvis-A-Rama Casting Call

Greetings, loyal minions. Your Maximum Leader, as faithful minions know, is a big Elvis fan. So imagine his interest in this item on the news wire: Elvis-A-Rama museum casts worldwide net for impersonators of the King.

What a gig! If you are an "E" fan/impersonator, you ought to head on out to Vegas and try out.

Carry on.

Could Someone Please Feed Him While I'm Away This Weekend?

Aww, look what I got! Thanks for the link, Sadie!

adopt your own virtual pet!

If you click on him, he runs on the wheel. Isn't he cute? I'm so happy now.

Believe.

Amnesty International And "Gulags"

Greetings, loyal minions. Your Maximum Leader just read over Anne Applebaum's commentary entitled: Amnesty's Amnesia

Very good piece. Your Maximum Leader has seen other editorials and blogs about Amnesty's use of the term "gulag" to describe our detention facility at Guantanamo. In so far as your Maximum Leader is concerned, this is just another example of an international organization becoming more anti-American over time.

It wasn't but a few years ago when Amnesty was writing about our barbaric prison system and our institutional methods of torturing prisoners. Methods of torture (and abuse) included, according to Amnesty: "...beatings and excessive force; sexual misconduct; the misuse of electro-shock weapons and chemical sprays; and the cruel use of mechanical restraints, including holding prisoners for prolonged periods in four-point restraint as punishment. Many reported abuses took place in isolation units or during forced removal of prisoners from cells (''cell extractions'')." And that was during the Clinton Administration!

Your Maximum Leader isn't sure precisely how Anmesty would like a prison to be run. Or even if Amnesty thinks there should be prisons. But sometimes the criminal element needs to be handled roughly...

Carry on.

Terror Timeline

Greetings, loyal minions. Your Maximum Leader scalded himself today. Hot Vanilla Bean tea and the latest from Jeff at Beautiful Atrocities do not mix well.

What?!? You haven't read it?

BEAUTIFUL ATROCITIES' ROOT CAUSES OF TERRORISM TIMELINE.

Some of your Maximum Leader's favourite parts:

240 million years ago: Gore Vidal born

1322: Liza (Minelli) marries Edward II: "He's no homo."

1967: Six Day War, Israel kicks ass. Cassandra Peterson becomes youngest Vegas showgirl at 16.

It is great. Go! Now! Read!

Carry on.

Suspicious

Greetings, loyal minions. Your Maximum Leader wonders if you all happened to catch the following article on the news wire: Los Alamos Lab Whistleblower Beaten Up.

Now allow your Maximum Leader to go on the record as saying that he feels for Mr. Hook. No one deserves to be beaten. Your Maximum Leader hopes that the perps are found, tried, found guilty, and punished to the full extent of the law.

But allow your Maximum Leader to revisit a few items from the article and perhaps you'll see why his "suspicion" heckles have been raised.

Allow your Maximum Leader to create a narrative... Mr. Hook was in bed, alone, on a Saturday night at 10pm. Mrs. Hook was out of town visiting their sons. He received a phone call asking him to meet "someone" at a strip club 45 minutes away from his house.

Naturally, the wife being away and all, it was a perfectly natural thing for Mr. Hook to do. So he got out of bed. Presumably got dressed. Then hopped in his car and drove 45 minutes to a strip club.

He waited in the strip club for "someone" to arrive. After some interval Mr. Hook decided that "someone" wasn't going to show up so he went to go home. It was then that he was beaten in the parking lot. The assailants told him that "if he knew what was good for him he'd keep his mouth shut." None of his personal effects were stolen.

Now, admittedly the whole "none of his personal effects were stolen" during his assult is troubling. But how about this senario...

Mr. Hook, unencumbered for the weekend, decided to seek some adult entertainment in a neighboring city. Why go to another city? Well perhaps a fear of running into someone who would recognize you... So he spends the night tipping gyrating strippers and stumbles out to his car. At which point a group of roving miscreants decide to just pull over and beat him up. Perhaps they flee as someone else is coming out of the strip club. Now Mr. Hook has to come up with a story...

Your Maximum Leader knows that the police must have verified many elements of the story... But really now? You would get out of bed and drive nearly an hour to a strip club at the request of a mysterious stranger? And this happened when your wife was out of town?

Okay... Perhaps it is plausible.

Carry on.