Lunchtime Observations
Greetings, loyal minions. Your Maximum Leader joined some friends and acquaintances for lunch today. Here are some random observations of the whole excursion.
While driving to lunch, your Maximum Leader was being tailgated by a rather cute young woman in a white Chevy pickup. One could tell from her driving that she seemed to be in a rush. You Maximum Leader manoevered around to let her pass. She waved as she passed. After she had passed your Maximum Leader saw that the back of her truck was filled with Confederate flag bumper stickers and other stickers exhorting readers to know that real girls drive trucks and so forth...
She wasn't quite as cute anymore.
At lunch your Maximum Leader got a Delmonico steak with sides of broccoli and garlic mashed potatoes. Normally he would get a New York strip. But damn that Delmonico was tasty. If given the chance he would eat another right now.
During conversation your Maximum Leader was the only one who found it ironic that Viagra could make you blind. None of the others (men - for there were no women in the group) at the table got my original quip. So your Maximum Leader even did a follow-on by saying "Next thing you know Enzyte will cause hair to grow on your palms."
Still no one got it. The next thought your Maximum Leader had was, "What if your Maximum Leader is the only man at this table with enough sexual puissance to not require Viagra?" Gadzooks! It could be.
Upon leaving lunch, your Maximum Leader got back into the Villainmobile and was driving around when he thought to himself, "Humm... Does Giada De Laurentiis have a cannoli recipe?" (Your Maximum Leader can't find one, but she does have a fruit salad with cannoli cream recipe floating out there. Which he seems to remember having seen the lovely Giada make on "Everyday Italian.") Then your Maximum Leader's mind turned to just Giada De Laurentiis and cannoli cream... With fresh berries. Giada De Laurentiis with berries and cannoli cream... Yum.
Your Maximum Leader heard on the radio that King Fahd was in the hospital. He wonders what the line will be on how soon the King might "pass."
Also on the radio was an update about a local murder trial that is concluding today and will go to the jury on Tuesday. A local woman was murdered nearly two years ago. Under her fingernails was found tissue and blood containing measurable amounts of human DNA. The police investigation corralled a suspect who, much later, was determined to be a DNA match to the tissue and blood found under the victim's fingernails.
The prosecution in this case brought in many experts on DNA to testify. In closing arguments, the lead defence attorney said the prosecution hadn't proved the DNA match. And why wasn't the DNA evidence proved (according to the defence)? Because there was a one in six billion chance that someone else in the general population would also be a DNA match.
1 in 6,000,000,000!
Lets see... The odds of winning a multi-state lottery are 1 in 140,000,000. The odds of being struck by lightning are 1 in 570,000. The odds of being killed by a lightning strike are 1 in 2,230,000. The odds of being killed by a dog bite are 1 in 700,000. And the odds of being audited by the IRS are about 1 in 175.
But this guy ought to be let off because there is a 1 in 6 billion chance that someone else with identical DNA murdered the victim.
Yeah. Great defence.
Carry on.
While driving to lunch, your Maximum Leader was being tailgated by a rather cute young woman in a white Chevy pickup. One could tell from her driving that she seemed to be in a rush. You Maximum Leader manoevered around to let her pass. She waved as she passed. After she had passed your Maximum Leader saw that the back of her truck was filled with Confederate flag bumper stickers and other stickers exhorting readers to know that real girls drive trucks and so forth...
She wasn't quite as cute anymore.
At lunch your Maximum Leader got a Delmonico steak with sides of broccoli and garlic mashed potatoes. Normally he would get a New York strip. But damn that Delmonico was tasty. If given the chance he would eat another right now.
During conversation your Maximum Leader was the only one who found it ironic that Viagra could make you blind. None of the others (men - for there were no women in the group) at the table got my original quip. So your Maximum Leader even did a follow-on by saying "Next thing you know Enzyte will cause hair to grow on your palms."
Still no one got it. The next thought your Maximum Leader had was, "What if your Maximum Leader is the only man at this table with enough sexual puissance to not require Viagra?" Gadzooks! It could be.
Upon leaving lunch, your Maximum Leader got back into the Villainmobile and was driving around when he thought to himself, "Humm... Does Giada De Laurentiis have a cannoli recipe?" (Your Maximum Leader can't find one, but she does have a fruit salad with cannoli cream recipe floating out there. Which he seems to remember having seen the lovely Giada make on "Everyday Italian.") Then your Maximum Leader's mind turned to just Giada De Laurentiis and cannoli cream... With fresh berries. Giada De Laurentiis with berries and cannoli cream... Yum.
Your Maximum Leader heard on the radio that King Fahd was in the hospital. He wonders what the line will be on how soon the King might "pass."
Also on the radio was an update about a local murder trial that is concluding today and will go to the jury on Tuesday. A local woman was murdered nearly two years ago. Under her fingernails was found tissue and blood containing measurable amounts of human DNA. The police investigation corralled a suspect who, much later, was determined to be a DNA match to the tissue and blood found under the victim's fingernails.
The prosecution in this case brought in many experts on DNA to testify. In closing arguments, the lead defence attorney said the prosecution hadn't proved the DNA match. And why wasn't the DNA evidence proved (according to the defence)? Because there was a one in six billion chance that someone else in the general population would also be a DNA match.
1 in 6,000,000,000!
Lets see... The odds of winning a multi-state lottery are 1 in 140,000,000. The odds of being struck by lightning are 1 in 570,000. The odds of being killed by a lightning strike are 1 in 2,230,000. The odds of being killed by a dog bite are 1 in 700,000. And the odds of being audited by the IRS are about 1 in 175.
But this guy ought to be let off because there is a 1 in 6 billion chance that someone else with identical DNA murdered the victim.
Yeah. Great defence.
Carry on.
posted by The Maximum Leader at 5/27/2005 06:00:00 PM
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