Wherein She Discusses A Feverish Blog.

Last July, I had the unfortunate initial experience of dealing with a sick blog, at my previous (and now defunct) URL. This of course has happened a handful of times at the newer place, but now when these things happen, I can seek the wise counsel of Our Maximum Leader. Yet when one first has a sick blog, 'tis like learning how to care for a sick child anew. Ah yes, I remember it like 'twas last summer...

To my dismay, The Blog became rather agitated early one week, and unlike the men I had been dating, I couldn't just ignore the problem and let it go away. So one Thursday afternoon, I forced The Blog to sit down and have a chat, but it was speaking incomprehensively and emitting random tones...not cogent at all. When The Blog realized I wasn't understanding it's dilemma, it became angry and sullen. A steady decline ensued, and that night it endeavored to self-destruct, so I rushed it to the nearest inpatient Blog psychiatric clinic. The short drive seemed like hours as it wailed in the backseat, frantically trying to cut/paste itself and rebuild files without my assistance. In fact, I was beginning to feel a bit like Harvey Keitel's character in Reservoir Dogs. You know...during the automobile scene where the bleeding Mr. Orange frightfully screamed in fear and agony? Thankfully, Blogs don't bleed, so I won't have to call in Marcellas for assistance. Luckily we got to the clinic just as The Blog was threatening to hurt me if I didn't get it some relief fast, so I scurried us to clinic admissions, and then I sat down to wait for an update on its status.

For hours I waited, and I was beginning to worry about The Blog's sudden descent into deep-seeded despair. Could it be encephalitis or some other inflammation of its thinking center? No idea. All I could do was wait. Finally the Blog Intake Therapist came out to talk to the "chick paying the tab," and I was informed of the results of The Blog's entrance interview and initial tests. What I found out really wasn't too shocking....The Blog was suffering from an existential crisis. The therapist said that this is not unusual, but that most Blog Owners don't seek treatment, instead preferring to let their writing slip off into oblivion, and unfortunately, those Blogs are never heard from again. Fortunately, The Blog found a will to live and confessed it was having a dilemma of identity, and it was depressed about its self-perception that it had lost its distinctiveness and character. The good news is that the Immersion program of the Clinic, which is credited for helping This Piece Of Crap Blog several times last year, has reportedly never failed to bring back Any Blog with the attitude, spunk, and propensity to offend that my Blog displayed. Whew.

The Intake Therapist said this these "Blog Personality Dilemmas" are normally due to writer's block of the authors, but this clearly wasn't the case here. Rather, this particular Blog Crisis problems were likely due to the recent number of major changes in the Blog's environment. Up until recently before The Crisis, I had been a single girl on the dating scene. It would be understandable that The Blog would be in shock when its Blog Owner found a partner near and dear to her, as if perhaps The Blog might be cast away. I did assure The Blog that this was most certainly not the case, and then it surfaced that The Blog was feeling a bit uneasy without the emotional diarrhea it was used to experiencing. In addition, it had been archiving the writings from many off-topic discussions, when it was used to shuffling most posts into the category of Angst and Agony. Apparently what sent it over the edge was the new Naughty Word of the Day feature, which of course, mades this Blog Owner feel rather guilty.

Really I felt sorry for the blog. It worked hard and never complained when I forced it to do overnight insomnia duty. It also perservered to accommodate the ever-changing moods and whims of its Blog Owner. The therapist assured me that a weekend of rest and psychoanalysis would completely heal The Blog, since its vital signs remained strong. This actually allowed the Blog Owner to take a full weekend off from feeding The Blog, as I had entrusted some experts to heal the smashing Blog that I had so lovingly created. The weekend away did undoubtably bring The Blog back into focus, and indeed, it was raring to go early the next week. Oh, and much to my eternal relief, they did not remove the Blog's Profanity Center.