An Announcement from the Villainschloss.
Greetings, loyal minions. Your Maximum Leader has a few things to say. Pay attention now. You may be quizzed later.
1) Your Maximum Leader has a personal reason for being happy that the Sox swept the Cards in the World Series. Now he can tune into all the horror flicks on AMC and TMC and watch them without using the split screen function of his TV. Now he can spend time relaxing watching Christopher Lee bite buxom women and turn them into vampires. He can enjoy the cheap thrills of a teen slasher movie. He can watch Bruce Campbell host the Scariest Moments on Film on BOTH AMC and Bravo. And he can do this without fearing he will miss something good on the baseball diamond.
2) Your Maximum Leader is officially sick of the campaigning for President. He thought he wouldn't become sick of it. But now in the last week he has discovered that THERE IS NOTHING NEW TO TALK ABOUT. As he expected, the campaign has devolved into both sides becoming as shrill as possible and hoping to change minds by pointing fingers. Yes, this is how it always is every four years. No, it doesn't surprise your Maximum Leader at all. No, it doesn't upset him. He is just tired of it. Great Jeezey Chreezey people. It's not like we haven't been blogging about all this and paying close attention to politics for well over a year now. He doesn't know how much more pre-election blogging he can do. Your Maximum Leader is sure he will have much more to say about the election, on Tuesday or thereafter. But right now it is just getting on his nerves. In your Maximum Leader's opinion the media is doing everything it can to boost Kerry's chances. To the point now that they are rehashing every old story they can get their hands on. This is not to say that there aren't questions to be raised in all these matters - there may be. But nothing that your Maximum Leader has heard in the past week has changed anything substantive in anyones mind.
3) Your Maximum Leader doesn't believe that anyone who is still "undecided" at this point should be allowed to vote. The "undecideds" are, categorically, stupid.
Allow your Maximum Leader to address any "undecideds" who might be reading these words: If you are still undecided, as of Thursday, October 28, 2004, you are perhaps the most spineless, gammy-handed, crack-addled, mush-brained, drooling fool in all of North America. How can you not have heard enough? The only concievable explanation your Maximum Leader can come up with at this point is that your brain is not capable of operating both its autonomic nervous system and stringing together a cogent thought at the same time. At this point nothing either candidate, or their adherents, can say to you will be new or insightful. It has all been said before. What are you waiting for? A sign from the Almighty instructing you on how to vote? Let your Maximum Leader clue you into something. The closest you will come to hearing from God are the words you are reading right now. Your Maximum Leader is here to tell you that you may inherit the earth, but you shouldn't vote. Because any ballot you cast will be a bad one. Stay home. Floss for once. Investigate getting sterilized. Just don't vote. Our nation is better off without you casting an uninformed vote for either candidate. And by the way, if you don't have children yet (and your Maximum Leader hopes you do not) you'd better have them soon. Because when the MWO comes, you will not have to investigate sterilization - it will be a reality for you. (Of course, in the MWO you will be allowed to vote; because your vote will not mean anything.)
4) Did your Maximum Leader mention that he loves horror movies and plans on watching them continuously between now and Sunday? Oh he did? Well, if any minion has see the recent "Van Helsing" movie and would care to tell your Maximum Leader about it, he would be most appreciative. He was considering renting it sometime this week.
Your Maximum Leader feels much better now.
Carry on.
1) Your Maximum Leader has a personal reason for being happy that the Sox swept the Cards in the World Series. Now he can tune into all the horror flicks on AMC and TMC and watch them without using the split screen function of his TV. Now he can spend time relaxing watching Christopher Lee bite buxom women and turn them into vampires. He can enjoy the cheap thrills of a teen slasher movie. He can watch Bruce Campbell host the Scariest Moments on Film on BOTH AMC and Bravo. And he can do this without fearing he will miss something good on the baseball diamond.
2) Your Maximum Leader is officially sick of the campaigning for President. He thought he wouldn't become sick of it. But now in the last week he has discovered that THERE IS NOTHING NEW TO TALK ABOUT. As he expected, the campaign has devolved into both sides becoming as shrill as possible and hoping to change minds by pointing fingers. Yes, this is how it always is every four years. No, it doesn't surprise your Maximum Leader at all. No, it doesn't upset him. He is just tired of it. Great Jeezey Chreezey people. It's not like we haven't been blogging about all this and paying close attention to politics for well over a year now. He doesn't know how much more pre-election blogging he can do. Your Maximum Leader is sure he will have much more to say about the election, on Tuesday or thereafter. But right now it is just getting on his nerves. In your Maximum Leader's opinion the media is doing everything it can to boost Kerry's chances. To the point now that they are rehashing every old story they can get their hands on. This is not to say that there aren't questions to be raised in all these matters - there may be. But nothing that your Maximum Leader has heard in the past week has changed anything substantive in anyones mind.
3) Your Maximum Leader doesn't believe that anyone who is still "undecided" at this point should be allowed to vote. The "undecideds" are, categorically, stupid.
Allow your Maximum Leader to address any "undecideds" who might be reading these words: If you are still undecided, as of Thursday, October 28, 2004, you are perhaps the most spineless, gammy-handed, crack-addled, mush-brained, drooling fool in all of North America. How can you not have heard enough? The only concievable explanation your Maximum Leader can come up with at this point is that your brain is not capable of operating both its autonomic nervous system and stringing together a cogent thought at the same time. At this point nothing either candidate, or their adherents, can say to you will be new or insightful. It has all been said before. What are you waiting for? A sign from the Almighty instructing you on how to vote? Let your Maximum Leader clue you into something. The closest you will come to hearing from God are the words you are reading right now. Your Maximum Leader is here to tell you that you may inherit the earth, but you shouldn't vote. Because any ballot you cast will be a bad one. Stay home. Floss for once. Investigate getting sterilized. Just don't vote. Our nation is better off without you casting an uninformed vote for either candidate. And by the way, if you don't have children yet (and your Maximum Leader hopes you do not) you'd better have them soon. Because when the MWO comes, you will not have to investigate sterilization - it will be a reality for you. (Of course, in the MWO you will be allowed to vote; because your vote will not mean anything.)
4) Did your Maximum Leader mention that he loves horror movies and plans on watching them continuously between now and Sunday? Oh he did? Well, if any minion has see the recent "Van Helsing" movie and would care to tell your Maximum Leader about it, he would be most appreciative. He was considering renting it sometime this week.
Your Maximum Leader feels much better now.
Carry on.
posted by The Maximum Leader at 10/28/2004 03:18:00 PM
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