More bloggy goodness & Minion Mailbag.
Greetings loyal minions. Your Maximum Leader's brain has been just churning with bloggy thoughts today. He has just looked over some of the daily news on the wire. Ah... The stories to report.
Is it possible to "manhandle" Jacko? Wouldn't he have to be a "man?"
John Edwards is not interested in the Vice Presidency. At least so says Reuters. I suppose that means he is looking to be out of politics soon.
Wow! Playboy is 50! Here are some of Andrew Stuttaford's thoughts on the big party Hef threw. Ah... Your Maximum Leader remembers the first Playboy he ever saw. Indeed, years later he found a copy of it in a used book store and bought it for a whopping $10 (American). He supposes that many of his preferences for the female form were shaped by those first images of Kathryn Morrison (Miss May 1978). She was very very hot. She had a pleasant curve to her hips, full breasts, fantastic calves, faint tan lines (but only the "panty" line), and that little bit of fleshyness right around her (in-ey) navel. (Your Maximum Leader loves tan lines; and can't stand out-ey navels.) Just thinking about her makes your Maximum Leader feel "funny in the pants" to quote our good deity, Allah. Sadly, the prose "interview" with Ms. Morrison is very 1978. The phrase that seems to stick in my mind is something to the effect of "I like swimming at the indoor pool. It is warm, like a womb." Your Maximum Leader wonders who ghosted her stuff? Which is an interesting question in general. Who writes those words that they stick all around the photos. (NB to Hef: Fewer words and more photos would keep our interest longer. I'll read the articles about stereos and jazz music and the neatest gadgets. But let me objectify the women please.) As luck would have it, that particular magazine was the same one that cost Anita Bryant her job as the Florida Orange Juice spokeswoman. In the Playboy interview she gave that month she indicated that she believed gays were going to hell. Humm... Imagine controversy about gays in 1978! Who'da thunk it? Plus ca change...
Did you happen to see "Love" at the opening of the Harrods sale? No? Fear not. Behold the Yahoo Slideshow of your Maximum Leader's weakness, the ever desireable Jennifer Love Hewitt. Just wait until the MWO... All the fancy baubles you want. Palaces. Gold. And your Maximum Leader's platonic affections...
Your Maximum Leader thanks his Poet Laureate for his thoughtful gift. As he mentions in his post, your Maximum Leader is a big Elvis fan. I have raised the Villainettes to be Elvis fans. And in the Mike World Order (MWO), your Maximum Leader will "request" that the Pope beatify Elvis. Yes, Saint Elvis of Graceland. And glorious cathedrals will be raised in his name! And his gravesite shall be the destination of thousands of pilgramages! Vials of his sweat will demonstrate remarkable curative properties that will baffel scientists... Oh yeah... Elvis is a dead rock & roll star... Let's not forget that. I've seen a number of Elvis impersonators in my time. Some good, some not-so-good. I can hardly wait to hear this one. Many thanks to my Poet and trusted Hominid.
Well, it has been a long time since your Maximum Leader has dipped into the Minion Mailbag. Let's see what virtual letters might be found there...
First, here is a note from one nameless minion:
Does your mother know what you are doing?
Your Maximum Leader responds thus:
Indeed. The esteemed mother of your Maximum Leader does know what he is doing. As I have her imprisoned at this moment and her only contact with the outside world is a single 10 inch VGA monitor (under shatterproof glass) that only displays this blog, she is well aware of what I am doing. But shed no tears for her. Her imprisonment is a good one. (Think Princess Elizabeth in the Tower. Not Brad Davis in a Turkish prison.)
And here is another note. This one from newly minted Minion, Kilgore Trout. (Who's blog one should visit frequently.) The good Kilgore writes:
Subject: Your Vile Servant
Your unworthy minion, Kilgore Trout, begs a moment to thank his Maximum Leader for his kind endorsement of his blog. Your contemptible lackey, whose every stinking breath certainly offends his Maximum Leader, cringes to the marble floor and assures his wise and benevolent master that Naked Villainy is itself a blog of the greatest quality, and your undeserving disciple has posted a link on his own blog.
Your worthless apostle wishes his Maximum Leader the finest and most decadent of Pardoning of the Dwarves holidays.
Kilgore Trout
Minister of Propaganda,
Chaotic Not Random
Your Maximum Leader responds thus:
My dear Kilgore. Allow your Maximum Leader to compliment you on the tone of your recent message to me. Your obsequiousness was spot on. And for someone who has never been to the Villainschloss, you can be excused for the slip about the marble floors. Over the years I've found that marble flooring doesn't clean up well after its been bled upon. Marble also becomes slippery and can cause one to loose his footing. That's why your Maximum Leader prefers slate. It doesn't get as slick, nor does blood stain it.
Also, please know that you too have been added to the blogroll. It is a great pleasure to do this. Your humor and keen insight make us chuckle. (NB to Kilgore: I think you are on to something with the whole PAT thing. It would be more interesting to force football teams to make a play from the 2.)
Lastly good Kilgore, your Maximum Leader is pleased to see that you achieved coitus recently. Your long drought is over. May it not be repeated. I must note that you got "lucky" in the wee hours of Christmas morning. This must have been a great gift to you from that special someone. Of course, your Maximum Leader remembers one Christmas Eve/Day a number of years ago... Well, rather than bore you with the details let it suffice to say that while he was never molested by a priest; your Maximum Leader has always been aroused by the incense burned in a full-blown Catholic mass. After one such ceremony, your Maximum Leader could hardly wait to pounce on Mrs. Villain. Kilgore, your Maximum Leader can only hope your moment was "very special." (And didn't involve a Catholic priest, but could involve incense.)
And finally, another nameless non-minion writes (and those with tender eyes should prepare to be visually assulted by foul language):
What the fuck is wrong with you. You should be killed for saying all the shit you do about little people. You bigoted asshole. I hope some little people get to smack the shit out of you with bats and make you bleed. Die fucker.
Your Maximum Leader responds thus:
First, it was the Big Hominid (our Poet Laureate) who wrote about the beating and pardoning of the dwarves. But, since you cannot seem to be bothered to read by-lines allow me to say that regardless of who wrote the material - I find it funny and allow it to stay on the blog. Since you obviously do not understand humour, I find you tiresome and rather shallow. I hope you do not return to my site ever again. But if you do, be warned that I will surely hunt you down, beat you, and then piss on you for good measure. Now go.
Really.... Go... Stop reading you cretin....
Still here? Idiot.
Still? You just can't stop you blathering fool.
Lummox.
Buffoon.
If you are still reading, please just click here and entertain yourself.
And that about wraps it up my minions. Light blogging this week again. Perhaps I shall unveil my big essay... Or perhaps not... I'll move as I please.
Carry on.
Is it possible to "manhandle" Jacko? Wouldn't he have to be a "man?"
John Edwards is not interested in the Vice Presidency. At least so says Reuters. I suppose that means he is looking to be out of politics soon.
Wow! Playboy is 50! Here are some of Andrew Stuttaford's thoughts on the big party Hef threw. Ah... Your Maximum Leader remembers the first Playboy he ever saw. Indeed, years later he found a copy of it in a used book store and bought it for a whopping $10 (American). He supposes that many of his preferences for the female form were shaped by those first images of Kathryn Morrison (Miss May 1978). She was very very hot. She had a pleasant curve to her hips, full breasts, fantastic calves, faint tan lines (but only the "panty" line), and that little bit of fleshyness right around her (in-ey) navel. (Your Maximum Leader loves tan lines; and can't stand out-ey navels.) Just thinking about her makes your Maximum Leader feel "funny in the pants" to quote our good deity, Allah. Sadly, the prose "interview" with Ms. Morrison is very 1978. The phrase that seems to stick in my mind is something to the effect of "I like swimming at the indoor pool. It is warm, like a womb." Your Maximum Leader wonders who ghosted her stuff? Which is an interesting question in general. Who writes those words that they stick all around the photos. (NB to Hef: Fewer words and more photos would keep our interest longer. I'll read the articles about stereos and jazz music and the neatest gadgets. But let me objectify the women please.) As luck would have it, that particular magazine was the same one that cost Anita Bryant her job as the Florida Orange Juice spokeswoman. In the Playboy interview she gave that month she indicated that she believed gays were going to hell. Humm... Imagine controversy about gays in 1978! Who'da thunk it? Plus ca change...
Did you happen to see "Love" at the opening of the Harrods sale? No? Fear not. Behold the Yahoo Slideshow of your Maximum Leader's weakness, the ever desireable Jennifer Love Hewitt. Just wait until the MWO... All the fancy baubles you want. Palaces. Gold. And your Maximum Leader's platonic affections...
Your Maximum Leader thanks his Poet Laureate for his thoughtful gift. As he mentions in his post, your Maximum Leader is a big Elvis fan. I have raised the Villainettes to be Elvis fans. And in the Mike World Order (MWO), your Maximum Leader will "request" that the Pope beatify Elvis. Yes, Saint Elvis of Graceland. And glorious cathedrals will be raised in his name! And his gravesite shall be the destination of thousands of pilgramages! Vials of his sweat will demonstrate remarkable curative properties that will baffel scientists... Oh yeah... Elvis is a dead rock & roll star... Let's not forget that. I've seen a number of Elvis impersonators in my time. Some good, some not-so-good. I can hardly wait to hear this one. Many thanks to my Poet and trusted Hominid.
Well, it has been a long time since your Maximum Leader has dipped into the Minion Mailbag. Let's see what virtual letters might be found there...
First, here is a note from one nameless minion:
Does your mother know what you are doing?
Your Maximum Leader responds thus:
Indeed. The esteemed mother of your Maximum Leader does know what he is doing. As I have her imprisoned at this moment and her only contact with the outside world is a single 10 inch VGA monitor (under shatterproof glass) that only displays this blog, she is well aware of what I am doing. But shed no tears for her. Her imprisonment is a good one. (Think Princess Elizabeth in the Tower. Not Brad Davis in a Turkish prison.)
And here is another note. This one from newly minted Minion, Kilgore Trout. (Who's blog one should visit frequently.) The good Kilgore writes:
Subject: Your Vile Servant
Your unworthy minion, Kilgore Trout, begs a moment to thank his Maximum Leader for his kind endorsement of his blog. Your contemptible lackey, whose every stinking breath certainly offends his Maximum Leader, cringes to the marble floor and assures his wise and benevolent master that Naked Villainy is itself a blog of the greatest quality, and your undeserving disciple has posted a link on his own blog.
Your worthless apostle wishes his Maximum Leader the finest and most decadent of Pardoning of the Dwarves holidays.
Kilgore Trout
Minister of Propaganda,
Chaotic Not Random
Your Maximum Leader responds thus:
My dear Kilgore. Allow your Maximum Leader to compliment you on the tone of your recent message to me. Your obsequiousness was spot on. And for someone who has never been to the Villainschloss, you can be excused for the slip about the marble floors. Over the years I've found that marble flooring doesn't clean up well after its been bled upon. Marble also becomes slippery and can cause one to loose his footing. That's why your Maximum Leader prefers slate. It doesn't get as slick, nor does blood stain it.
Also, please know that you too have been added to the blogroll. It is a great pleasure to do this. Your humor and keen insight make us chuckle. (NB to Kilgore: I think you are on to something with the whole PAT thing. It would be more interesting to force football teams to make a play from the 2.)
Lastly good Kilgore, your Maximum Leader is pleased to see that you achieved coitus recently. Your long drought is over. May it not be repeated. I must note that you got "lucky" in the wee hours of Christmas morning. This must have been a great gift to you from that special someone. Of course, your Maximum Leader remembers one Christmas Eve/Day a number of years ago... Well, rather than bore you with the details let it suffice to say that while he was never molested by a priest; your Maximum Leader has always been aroused by the incense burned in a full-blown Catholic mass. After one such ceremony, your Maximum Leader could hardly wait to pounce on Mrs. Villain. Kilgore, your Maximum Leader can only hope your moment was "very special." (And didn't involve a Catholic priest, but could involve incense.)
And finally, another nameless non-minion writes (and those with tender eyes should prepare to be visually assulted by foul language):
What the fuck is wrong with you. You should be killed for saying all the shit you do about little people. You bigoted asshole. I hope some little people get to smack the shit out of you with bats and make you bleed. Die fucker.
Your Maximum Leader responds thus:
First, it was the Big Hominid (our Poet Laureate) who wrote about the beating and pardoning of the dwarves. But, since you cannot seem to be bothered to read by-lines allow me to say that regardless of who wrote the material - I find it funny and allow it to stay on the blog. Since you obviously do not understand humour, I find you tiresome and rather shallow. I hope you do not return to my site ever again. But if you do, be warned that I will surely hunt you down, beat you, and then piss on you for good measure. Now go.
Really.... Go... Stop reading you cretin....
Still here? Idiot.
Still? You just can't stop you blathering fool.
Lummox.
Buffoon.
If you are still reading, please just click here and entertain yourself.
And that about wraps it up my minions. Light blogging this week again. Perhaps I shall unveil my big essay... Or perhaps not... I'll move as I please.
Carry on.
posted by The Maximum Leader at 12/30/2003 12:44:00 AM
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