What Men Want

Ally over at "Who Moved My Truth" asks what men want.

It is notable that there has NOT been a sequel to that Mel Gibson/Helen Hunt comedy in which the shoe is on the other foot. We were all charmed when Mel got to listen in on feminine internal dialogue. It was funny because it was true. One suspects that listening in on male internal dialogue would be horrifying because it was true.

I don't think there is a simple answer to Ally's question.

It depends on age and very much on the guy. I have male friends who don't seem to move beyond their glands when it comes to evaluating women.

Truth be told, when I was a wee lad I perhaps was not as sophisticated as I am now. I wasn't looking for a mate when I was 16. Or 20.

Ironically, when pressed by a high school female friend about my ideal woman, I wrote a description along the lines of:

Fiercely intelligent.
Intellectually curious.
Willing to tell me I'm full of crap when I'm full of crap.
Socially adept (so I don't have to be).
Kind.
Able to light up a room with her smile.

Just before my marriage to Mrs. Smallholder, said friend pulled out my old letter and showed it to me. I had described the Good Sally years before I actually met her.

Now, when I wrote that description at 18, I left out (for politically correct reasons) the idea of physical beauty. I have a type, but am not wedded to it. At the age of 33 I'm willing to admit openly that one ought to attracted to one's spouse physically.

I have known and know some wonderful women who are just great people and I enjoy their company tremendously, but, were I single, I would not date them because they aren't pretty. Call me shallow if you will, but if why should one move beyond friendship if there is not a physical spark?

At the age of 33, I would also add some requirements to the list, but I'm not sure how you would determine whether a woman met those requirements pre-marriage.

A good mother.
Patient.
Willing to compromise.
Tolerant.
Hard-working.
Affectionate.

I lucked out. But I'm not sure how you could determine these things prior to cohabitation and parenthood.

All of that said, I would like to return to Ally's post:

"My roommate and I are having a discussion regarding the difference between what men and women look for in a mate. She is frustrated, as the gentlemen she is currently interested in (and he is interested in her) often talks about mundane things despite the fact they are still getting to know each other. She wonders that he does not ask questions about her - questions about personal subjects, such as the meaning of life and what she wants in life, etc. (These are things she asks him.) He does inquire about her well-being and general topics, but he does not inquire on any deeper, philosophical issues."

Perhaps Ally's roommate is being unfair to the poor lad. His failure to ask about her worldview might not be reflective of the fact that he doesn't consider her life partner material. Perhaps those sort of things don't matter to him. Not everyone is a navel-gazing philosopher like the folks here at Nakedvillainy. There are plenty of people out there who are good, solid, folks, but just aren't particularly interested in self-reflection or metaphysics.

Really, pondering the great imponderables isn't what makes a good mate.

I had a couple of very nice girlfriends who would have married me (one was more vocal about it than the other) way back when. I didn't want to marry them because they weren't particularly interested in the meaning of life and could have cared less when the Maximum Leader, The Foreign Minister, Wallstreet, The Minister of Propaganda and the Horseman of Famine debated politics.

Looking back at myself, I'm a bit ashamed of my arrogance. They were great people and would have made good wives. As it turned out, I'm glad that I was immature back then - otherwise I wouldn't have ended up with the great wife I now have. But the fact that Sally is willing to partake in intellectual discourse doesn't make here a good wife - other, more mundane traits are what really matter.

I stand ready for flaming and condemnation.