August 31, 2003


Greetings loyal minions. Your Maximum Leader was surfing around the blogosphere and found an interesting travelogue from a young guy in China. What amused me was how he and some friends made their own Risk game. It amused me. It also amused me that his description of the game reminds me of Risk games I've played.

Carry on.


Greetings loyal minons. Your Maximum Leader has been thinking about many things, and thinking about what to write about them. I started off writing a little essay on toleration. But, now I find that my essay has taken the form of a political treatise about rationality. Perhaps I will be able to collect my thoughts and write something coherent....

Carry on my minions.

August 28, 2003


Greetings loyal minions. Your Maximum Leader finshed posting the Cuban joke and logged out of Blogger and noticed (as he always does) the newly updated blogs on the sidebar. It was there that I noticed this blog. Looking at the photos of this quaint French fishing village (which I take to be St. Pierre de Quiberon), I wonder if this Quiberon in Brittany is near the site of the not-nearly-famous-enough Battle of Quiberon Bay. (I will have to consult an atlas later...)

Your Maximum Leader has told a number of his most trusted minions that when he acquires a sailing yacht, it will be named "Quiberon Bay."

Just a serindipitous moment to share with you my loyal minions.

Carry on.

Cuba Joke.

Greetings loyal minions. Your Maximum Leader got a chuckle, as he often does, reading Jay Nordlinger's latest on NRO. I will share the joke in case you don't want to click through and read it yourself. (But you really ought to.)

"Castro dies and goes to heaven [bear with us]. When he gets there, St. Peter tells him that he is not on the list and that, no way, no how, does he belong in heaven. Castro must go to hell. So Castro goes to hell, where Satan gives him a hearty welcome and tells him to make himself at home.

"Then Castro notices that he left his luggage in heaven and tells Satan, who says, 'No hay problema, I'll send a couple of little devils to get your stuff.'

"When the little devils get to heaven they find the gates are locked — St. Peter is having lunch — and they start debating what to do. Finally, one comes up with the idea that they should climb over the wall and get the luggage.

"As they are climbing, two little angels see them, and one angel says to the other, 'Would you look at that? Fidel has been in hell no more than ten minutes and we're already getting refugees!'"

It made me laugh. But what doesn't make me laugh is the suffering of the Cuban people at the hands of Castro and his cronies. What makes me angry is the love, adoration, and praise heaped by many Americans on Castro. I thank Jay Nordlinger for nearly every time he writes a column adding something about the suffering of the Cuban people.

Carry on.

North Korea.

Greetings loyal minions. Your Maximum Leader couldn't pass up this headline from Reuters.

China says North Korea wants Nuclear-Free Peninsula.

Assuming the North Koreans really do want a nuke-free peninsula. (They don't by the way.) They can achieve this goal easily by JUST DISMANTALING THE NUKES THEY HAVE!!!! But the nukes are more valuable to them as a bargaining chip to use with other nations to exact onerous consessions and preserve their crypto-Stalinist state. The path the North has taken to develop and deploy nukes is what is upsetting the equipoise of the region.

Of course, if you want to get the real skinny on what is going on on the Korean Peninsula you need to read the Poet Laureate's (aka: the Big Hominid) site. Or his buddies, the Marmot, or Incestuous Amplification.

Carry on.

Poop and Gas

While this may be the domain of the BigHominid, the proverbial can of worms has been opened.

It's a great moment in a parents life when a kid stops using diapers and begins to take pride in using the toilet. It's even a happier moment when ones daughter comes into a room fulll of people and declares "I went big giant poopies!" or maybe "Daddy, I went green poopies!" It also leads to those moments where I wonder "What the hell did you eat today?" or maybe "I didn't give her peanuts for lunch..."

It's also a joyous moment in a fathers life when your child, for the first time, leans over while breaking wing in order to achieve maximum volume. I don't think mothers care too much for that.

August 27, 2003


Greetings loyal minions. Your Maximum Leader got to surfing and chanced to find this item on someone's personal blogsite... Your Maximum Leader doesn't know Chuck, or Benjamin. But he does know about children's poop. He remembers examining the Villainettes poop with all of the intensity of a Roman Oracle reading goat entrails...

Of course, now the Villainettes are the seers of their own poop. They happily report their poop divinations during dinner.... And you thought the Villainous Compound was all world domination and plotting. Pshaw...

Carry on.


Greetings once again loyal minions. From time to time your Maximum Leader likes to read over the obituaries. He is not looking for the really famous people, or the really common ones. He is looking to read more about the extrodinary people who may have not caught his attention. I think I have found one of those people. It seems as though Wilfred Thesiger has passed. From what I have read and heard, he seems to have been an extrordinary man. Certainly his treatment of the Marsh Arabs captured the lives of people destroyed by Saddam Hussein. Humm... I will have to learn more about him and read his works. Luckily, Amazon seems to have some of his works available.

Carry on.

Small link change.

Greetings again loyal minions. Your Maximum Leader realized that many of you might not want to pay for a subscription to read The Times of London. So, I added a link to the very good Daily Telegraph (also of London). The (Reg. Req.) note next to the Times of London link simply means that paid registration is required. If you see any additional links on my page with the (Reg. Req.) legend, the meaning will remain the same.

Carry on.


Greetings loyal minions. Your Maximum Leader woke up a little early today to look at Mars. I plan to go to the countryside this weekend with Mrs. Villain and the Villainettes and hope to get a better look at the red planet through a friend's telescope. Read all about Mars' proximity to the Earth all over the internet. But if you are lazy and want your Maximum Leader to provide you with links... Try here, here, and here. And here is a photo of Mars taken from the Hubble Telescope. You should also look at the slideshow next to the photo.

Carry on.

No toleration essay.

Greetings loyal minions. Your Maximum Leader regrets that there is no follow-up to the promise of a toleration blog. Alas, I had to take the Villainettes to soccer practice. Upon my return home, and putting the Villainettes to bed, I decided to read a little. Your Maximum Leader is reading two books right now. The first, which I read last night, is To Begin The World Anew. (For those of you who keep tabs on these things, the other book - the one I did not read last night - is Looking for Alaska.)

Your Maximum Leader is still thinking about Toleration, and will probably write a substantive blog about the subject later...

As an aside... Is your Maximum Leader the only person shocked at the poor quality of spelling and grammar in the blogosphere? I recognize that I will, from time to time, misspell a word. Or use bad grammar. (BTW, I realize that the passive voice and tense changes you may find in many of my posts are grammatically incorrect. But sometimes it is the only way to write to clearly communicate an idea while still keeping up an affectation.) But I was looking at some blogs on Monday and once I determined they were not in a foreign language I realized I couldn't understand them. I see the latin alphabet on the screen, but the words make no sense. I tried sounding out many of the words, but that did not help me either. It is crazy. Allow me to sound snobbish... But if you want to write in code, use your e-mails. If you want to share your innermost thoughts, or daily drivel of existance, with the world, write in complete sentances using standard words! Bad grammar on the internet will surely be the subject of a significant crackdown in the early days of the MWO. (Mike World Order for those of you who have never read this site before. Or just chose to skim over the introduction at the top of the page.)

I digress... Until later.

Carry on.

August 26, 2003

Hindus and Toleration.

Greeting loyal minions. Your Maximum Leader was just reading an excellent blog from Eugene Volokh. Your Maximum Leader's Minister of Agriculture believes, perhaps partially rightly, that your Maximum Leader is not tolerant of homosexuals. I believe it is not that I am intolerant of homosexuals, It is that I object to giving "equal rights" in traditionally heterosexual areas (i.e.: marriage) to homosexuals. Would I discriminate against hiring a gay person? No. Would I deny them housing? No. Would I wish ill to befall them in some other way? No. I would like to delve into this a bit further, and perhaps tonight I shall.

Carry on.

New Constitution/Bill of Rights

E-mailed to me by a relative. Worth sharing. Attributed without confirmation to State Representative Mitchell Kaye
from GA. I have no clue who actually said/wrote this. But it's funny and I like the point it makes.

The New Constitution

"We, the sensible people of the United States, in an attempt to help
everyone get along, restore some semblance of justice, avoid any more
riots, keep our nation safe, promote positive behavior, and secure the
blessings of debt free liberty to ourselves and our
great-great-great-grandchildren, hereby try one more time to ordain and
establish some common sense guidelines for the terminally whiny,
guilt-ridden, delusional and other liberal bed-wetters. We hold these
truths to be self-evident: that a whole lot of people are confused by the
Bill of Rights and are so dim that they require a Bill of No Rights."


You do not have the right to a new car, big screen TV or any other form of
wealth. More power to you if you can legally acquire them, but no one is
guaranteeing anything.


You do not have the right to never be offended. This country is based on
freedom, and that means freedom for everyone -- not just you! You may leave
the room, turn the channel, express a different opinion, etc., but the
world is full of idiots, and probably always will be ... and like the rest
of us you need to simply deal with it.


You do not have the right to be free from harm. If you stick a screwdriver
in your eye, learn to be more careful; do not expect the tool manufacturer
to make you and all your relatives independently wealthy.


You do not have the right to free food and housing. Americans are the most
charitable people to be found, and will gladly help anyone in need, but we
are quickly growing weary of subsidizing generation after generation of
professional couch potatoes who achieve nothing more than the creation of
another generation of professional couch potatoes.


You do not have the right to free health care. That would be nice, but from
the looks of public housing, we're just not interested in public health


You do not have the right to physically harm other people. If you kidnap,
rape, intentionally maim, or kill someone, don't be surprised if the rest
of us want to see you fry in the electric chair.


You do not have the right to the possessions of others. If you rob, cheat
or coerce away the goods or services of other citizens, don't be surprised
if the rest of us get together and lock you away in a place where you still
won't have the right to a big screen color TV, pool tables, weight rooms or
a life of leisure.


You don't have the right to a job. All of us sure want you to have a job,
and will gladly help you along in hard times, but we expect you to take
advantage of the opportunities of part time jobs, education and vocational
training laid before you to make yourself useful.


You do not have the right to happiness. Being an American means that you
have the right to PURSUE happiness --which by the way, is a lot easier if
you are unencumbered by an overabundance of idiotic laws created by those
of you who were confused by the Bill of Rights,"


This is an English speaking country. We don't care where you are from. We
welcome you here. English is our language and like the one you left behind,
we also have a culture. Learn it or go back to the country and the living
conditions you were fleeing.


Greetings loyal minions. Your Maximum Leader apologized for not posting yesterday. He was feeling a little under the weather and didn't spend much time in front of the PC... But, he was stirred to post this as soon as he read it this morning. The average American eats 30 lbs of cheese a year. Amazing. If they say you are what you eat, I'd say Americans are likely made of cheese and ice cream. I suppose we go bad in hot weather very easily...

Carry on.

August 25, 2003

Is nothing sacred?

I believe this took place at a Cubs game. Ozzy Osbourne singing "Take me out to the ball game." The link is from the web site for the baltimore radio station 98 Rock.

Here's the version of the event as told by the Chicago Sun-Times

It makes me yearn for the days when Ozzy bit the heads of bats and urinated on national monuments.

August 22, 2003

Turnpike Origin.

Greetings loyal minions. In answer to your AirMarshal's question. The term "Turnpike" came about in 15th Century. Roads connecting cities were generally blocked for defensive purposes and a gate house or a turnstile was put up to limit movement. (Gatehouses were often guarded by soliders with long Pikes as well...) Tolls were charged along the road to pay for security and improvements. These were the Turnpike Roads. Later shortened to Turnpikes.

Your Maximum Leader knew this from his extensive study of 18th Century British Highwaymen. But he did receive some help from these web sites to nail down dates. The sites are here, here, and lastly here.

Carry on.

Richard III R.I.P.


Upon returning from Cleveland, one thing is bothering me... Turnpikes.

Based upon my two data points (New Jersey and Pennsylvania), Turnpikes are, as a rule, in much worse shape than your average interstate. To add insult to injury, the motorist has to pay for the right to bounce from pothole to pothole between jersey walls moving through what seems to be one continuous construction zone. The analytical part of my brain insists that there is a connection between the attrocious state of these roads, and the fact that one is charged money to travel. I can't figure out what it is.

And one serious question... where does the name "Turnpike" come from?

Cleveland wasn't that bad, but nothing is screaming out "Come back". The Rock'n'Roll hall of fame is definitely worth seeing. But I can now say "Been there, done that."

Loyalty Binds Me.

Greetings loyal minions. Your Maximum Leader asks that you remember Richard III, King of England. He was killed at Bosworth this day in 1485. I have reprinted here a copy of an obituary that ran in the New York Times in 1970. It was written by Rex Stout.

"PLANTAGENET -- Richard, great king and true friend of the rights of man, died at Bosworth Field on August 22, 1485. Murdered by traitors and, dead, maligned by knaves and ignored by Laodiceans, he merits our devoted remembrance."

While your Maximum Leader would not lump Shakespeare in with the knaves, Richard's memory has certainly been besmerched by many.

Remember poor Richard Plantagenet.

Carry on my minions.

So much to opine about... So little time.

Greetings loyal minions. Your Maximum Leader feels he has not blogged enough this week. Perhaps some commentary on the news may be in order...

First, it seems that Frank Lloyd Wright's vision of Baghdad may become a reality. Your Maximum Leader likes Wright's work a great deal and hopes that some sort of civil buildings in Baghdad might become a lasting monument to a positive US involvment in Iraq.

California Recall update! It appears as though your donation dollars can get you more than just "access" to the candidate.

Valiant US troops have captured Chemical Ali. Your Maximum Leader had thought that Chemical Ali was dead... Well, if US troops should happen to let Chemical Ali "escape" while he was being transported through a Kurdish town... It would be justice.

It seems like the "cease fire" between Israel and their oh-so-neighbourly terrorists has ended. Your Maximum Leader is not surprised. What is surprising however is the remarkable self-restraint shown by the Israelis. Especially Ariel Sharon. Were your Maximum Leader in charge in Israel there would be many more incursions into the areas harbouring the terrorists. Your Maximum Leader would be sure to let the world know that to take a leadership role in a terrorist organization was a death sentance. But, the Israelis (as good western democrats) believe fully in the rule of law and civilization. They do not summarially execute people. Too bad really...

In Alabama more contraversy concerning the monument of the Ten Commandments in the state judicial building. Your Maximum Leader is a big believer in the separation of church and state. (Be warned, such guarantees may not exist in the MWO!) But if this monument goes, shouldn't the reliefs of the religious lawgivers in the US House of Representatives go too? Your Maximum Leader recognizes that there is a difference between showing reliefs of lawgivers and showing the laws they gave. But really, isn't this going a little too far?

Anyway, your Maximum Leader is not terribly fond of the reliefs in the US House of Representatives. They are all too similar to one another - at least the ancient ones. And personally, I always envisioned Lycurgus as being clean shaven.

Speaking of Spartans. Your Maximum Leader has finished a book on the Spartans. He highly recommends it. Read "The Spartans" by Paul Cartledge. It is a great book. The Spartan contribution to western civilization is quite underrated. Your Maximum Leader is very fond of ancient Sparta. Indeed, he would have liked to have named one of his offspring Lampito; but Mrs. Villain rejected that idea. There is much to be said about Spartan women. Your Maximum Leader just finished reading a great quotation from a Spartan Woman. When asked what sort of dowry she would give her husband, the Spartan women responded, "My father's common sense." Read more about Spartan women here and here.

I have digressed enough.

Carry on my minions.

August 21, 2003

New Colours.

Greetings loyal minions. Your Maximum Leader is toying with new colour schemes for the blog page. He was shooting for earthy tones at first. But found the contrast was not enough to make the reading of the page easy. Additionally, he decided to make all the links a uniform colour. (A change from the template he was using.) If you have an opinion on such matters. You have my leave to notify me with your opinions. You Maximum Leader will give them thoughtful consideration. Of course, if you are a mendicant and decide to write me; you may be ridiculed. Consider this your only warning.

Carry on.

Updates and changes.

Greetings loyal minions. Your Maximum Leader has been very busy this week, so he hasn't blogged with the frequency he would like to. Regardless, he has carved out some time to make some changes to the site and post an update or two. Fear not. In the meanwhile, go over to Bill Whittle's EjectEjectEject blog and read his new essay on responsibility. You have seen the link elsewhere, but it is a good one. Also, your Maximum Leader is intrigued by a new book. You might read the OpinionJournal article about it too...

Carry on.

August 20, 2003

Buddhism by the Big Hominid

Greetings loyal minons. Your Maximum Leader was just perusing his poet laureate's most recent blog. In those times that the Big Hominid is not writing scatalogical poetry, he is generally tuning his well-trained mind to loftier thoughts. This recent posting concerning a Buddhist critique of Islam is no exception. Indeed, it is more a Buddhist critique of the Judeo-Christian-Islamic tradition.

Your Maximum Leader read it, and stopped and reflected on it. Your Maximum Leader is a man filled with attachments. He recognizes that. But, he also recognizes that at some level the essential truth of the universe is more likely a Buddhist one than a Judeo-Christian-Islamic one. That said, he wanted to make one comment. While he thought he would just post directly to the Big Hominid's site, upon reflection he decided it might be a little churlish to do so. So here, in an unlikely stroke of brevity, is the one comment that came to your Maximum Leader's mind after reading the article. Perhaps the Buddhists are also Freudians. At least in so much as they are not attached to the idea of a permanent immutable God or scripture. (BTW, here is an interesting link for some classwork at Lemoyne College that might touch on this subject. And one more aside, it is too bad that there are no substantive links to a serious discussion of Freud's work that I could find in a quick search of Yahoo.)

Carry on.

Cleveland Rocks! (So says Drew Carey.)

Greetings loyal minions. Your Maximum Leader is saddened by the prospect that the Air Marshal will not enjoy his trip to Cleveland. Afterall, it is a business trip, and your Maximum Leader went to Philly to recharge the batteries. (So to speak.) Cleveland is a fine city to visit. It does have the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame (as the Air Marshal points out). And in other good news, the river is no longer in flames. Your Maximum Leader does have suspicions that somehow Cleveland is to blame for the recent power outages in the Northeast.

And speaking of the power outage... Your Maximum Leader is positively gleeful that it was the residents of Toronto and Ottowa that rioted when the power went out. New York, Albany, Syracuse, Buffalo, Cleveland, and Detroit were all peaceful and orderly. Now that Canada is no longer filled with polite, law-abiding citizens what good it is except as series of Duchies to be given out to loyal minions by the Maximum Leader when the Mike World Order comes?

Carry on.

August 19, 2003


So Max. gets to go to Philly and I get to go to Cleveland. Hmmmmm.

For the record, my name for Philthadelphia is "the City where you F*#$ your brother". Max. Leader cleaned it up a little bit. And I didn't make it up, it comes from a mutual friend, currently a resident of Phoenx (the other PH city).

So what does Cleveland have going for it?

- Spinal Tap. ("Hello Cleveland!")
- "Major League"
- No more Art Model
- You don't have to boil water anymore to drink it
- The Rock and Roll Hall of Fame.

on the other hand...It's in Ohio.

August 18, 2003

Back from a few days to recharge...

Greetings loyal minions. Your Maximum Leader has returned. Perhaps he should have warned you he was going to take a few days off and enjoy the company of Mrs. Villain without the Villainettes. But, being such an important person, your Maximum Leader must (for security purposes) not disclose his travel schedule in advance.

Allow your Maximum Leader to say that he just spent a fabulous long (longish?) weekend in the "City of Brotherly Love." Or as the AirMarshal says, the "City where you have to love your brother before he beats you to hell." Your Maximum Leader went to Philadelphia for dinner essentially, all else was extra niceness. You may have noticed that a new link was added to the sidebar. The Mike World Order's new Executive Chef will be Masaharu Morimoto. I will detail the experience in a moment. But, let me get in one or two other plugs while the moment is upon me. If you are going to Philly, your Maximum Leader strongly recommends staying at the Ritz. (Ask for Bryce when you get there - he is a tremendous help and a credit to the whole Ritz Staff.) He also recommends getting down to the 9th Street Italian Market. While there, stop in and buy some wild boar sausage from Sonny at D'Angelo Brothers. Or if buying meats from a butcher of the first order is not your game, buy some tea or exotic spices from the wonderful ladies down at The Spice Corner. (Your Maximum Leader got Russian Caravan flavour, Mrs. Villain got an herbal lemon...) Or perhaps some cheese is more your style. Then go by and see Sal at Claudio's. (That link is for the address if you are in Philly. Claudio's doesn't have a web site yet...)

Well, where does one begin? The highlight of the visit to Philadelphia was your Maximum Leader's dinner at Morimoto. The decor was a little flashy for your Maximum Leader's taste (which runs more towards dark wood paneling and dim lights) but it suited the atmosphere Chef Morimoto wants. The food was absolutely spectacular. Your Maximum Leader has eaten and many fine restaurants, all over the US and the world. This experience is definately in his top five overall, and easily the finest asian food he has ever had. Your Maximum Leader got the Chef's omakase (at the $120 level). To go with the omakase, he also got the beverage omakase (which matches each dish prepared by Chef Morimoto with the appropriate alcholic beverage). Your Maximum Leader believes that the omakase is the only way to go.

The first course was a Toro Tuna Tatare with caviar and wasabi. (This item is also on the regular menu.) This dish perfectly set the tone for the rest of the evening. It was exquisite. The flavours blended perfectly, and the dish was refreshing as well. From there we moved onto Raw Oyster's Four Flavours. There were four small oysters each prepared differently. One was topped with caviar, another with Thai fish sauce and shaved Jalepenos, another with a crystalized ginger, and the last with an italian herb who's name slips your Maximum Leaders mind. The next course was Scallops and Truffles. The scallops were lightly braized and then served with japanese greens, shaved truffles (black), and a ginger and truffle sauce that was very light and complementary to the dish. The next course consisted of a wasabi sorbet with fruit to cleanse the pallette. The next course was a split lobster with an 8 spice rub grilled over an open flame. We then moved on to a dish with Kobe Beef, foie gras, and japanese sweet potatos. Then a sushi dish with some fantastic and unusual fish. And finally an piece of almond sponge cake topped with coconut sorbet. Your Maximum Leader was is 7th heaven at the end of the meal. He will also plug Chef Morimoto's custom brewed Soba beer and his sake. (Alas, you can only get his sake at the restaurant. But order the beer!)

Your Maximum Leader is sitting in his compound, closing his eyes, and continuing to taste the wonderous meal he just had. He knows that when the MWO comes. Masaharu Morimoto will be well taken care of.

Carry on.

August 14, 2003

A Californian not running for governor...

Greetings loyal minions. Your Maximum Leader is, as he always is, once again glad that Victor Davis Hanson is alive, well, and writing such thoughtful stuff. Your Maximum Leader is saddened every time he reads a Hanson article. Saddened that he did not attend UC, Davis so that he could have taken a class from this brilliant man. I commend to you (as will myriad bloggers) his latest on NRO.

Carry on.


So here's a question posed to the ML. Does Arnie have bigger political aspirations? We know he cant be Pres. But he can serve in the Senate, can't he? Imagine Arnie in a position of national Power.

"The Chair recognizes the freakin' huge senator from Calif."

"Arnold has been named chairman of the joint committee for Pumping You Up".

So Arnie, is it true what they say about Steroids?

Wait.... Windows is giving me the finger again. Damn. I should switch to Linux.


California will be the first state to have a governor who has solved the riddle of steel. Calif may also be the first state to have a governor who has shown his ass on film.

Wait.... Windows is crashing, gotta re-boot.


Q: Governor, What is best in Life?

A: To crush your enimies, se them driven before you, and hear the lamentation of the women.

If memory serves, Warren Buffet is a Democrat, which would explain why ML is not fond of him. However, it does demonstrate that Arnie is very aware of one of the most important tasks any executive at this level must to: team building. Score one for the Govenator.

Wait... Windows problems... Gotta re-boot.

August 13, 2003

Arh-nold gets endorsed!

Greetings loyal minions. Will your Maximum Leader's fascination (horrid fascination that is) with the recall end? No, I fear not. It seems that Arh-nold has just been endorsed by Warren Buffet. That endoresment should be worth something. Warren Buffet is a smart man. He has made good money for himself and others. But, your Maximum Leader is not fond of his political views. At least his ones having to do with the estate tax.

Buffet's endorsement does affirm that Arh-nold is a smart investor, and a shrewd businessman. Please do not misunderstand your Maximum Leader's earlier opinion stating that he is not sure about Arh-nold. Your Maximum Leader believes Arh-nold to be a great American and a living testimonial to the American Dream. What your Maximum Leader isn't too sure of are Arh-nold's wider political views.

Carry on.

A little morning business

Greetings loyal minions. Your Maximum Leader would like to take care of some housekeeping matters this morning. First, allow him to wish Fidel Castro a very very very unhappy 77th birthday. You stinking murderous bastard. May you not live to see 78.

Second, This morning over on the Poet Laureate's site, the Hominid asks if our post of last night is saying that the voters of California are getting a little too much democracy? (BTW, go over and read the Hominid's post on nondualism. Very interesting and educational. Who knew he had talents outside of writing dead horse haiku?) Allow me to answer the Hominid. Yes. The voters of California are wallowing in too much democracy. Your Maximum Leader is not sympathetic because this is the way they want it. If you want to try and run a huge state by referendum - go ahead. But don't be shocked when you get the mob whipped into a voting frenzy. Your Maximum Leader will write more on the California situation, so watch this space.

Thirdly, more whiners! Only these whiners are in Texas. Your Maximum Leader doesn't normally think of Texans as whiners. Perhaps he has fallen prey to the strong quiet westerner image. It seems as though those Democrats in the Texas legislature just cannot stand to lose. It has gotten so bad that they are now being fined for hiding out in Oklahoma and New Mexico. Your Maximum Leader is dismayed by this. It would appear as though the Democrats are not being particularly democratic in that they want to shirk their responsibilities and not vote on affairs of state. We shall look into this more closely and comment later.

Carry on my minions.

More Calif.

Greetings loyal minions. Your Maximum Leader is just working himself into a lather about the whole California recall election. (BTW, does anyone really use the old state abbreviations anymore? Your Maximum Leader is quite fond of Calif., Penn., Fla., and Minn.. Just to name a few.) Regardless, in last night's post, your Maximum Leader paraphrased H.L. Mencken (1880-1956) who said, "Democracy is the theory that the common people know what they want and deserve to get it good and hard." Oh how true. Our friends in California are learning this.

Indeed, when it comes to getting democracy good and hard, California leads the way. The home of the Proposition is now the home of the Recall election. Your Maximum Leader could shower you all with quotations from all manner of learned men and their proof of the folly of democracy for the great masses. Not the least of those against true democracy were the Founding Fathers of this great nation. Read the Federalist Papers and you will see how those great men feared the unchecked power of the masses in a true democracy. But, for many decades now, the good citizens of California have moved more and more away from a democratic republic, and more toward the tyranny of the masses. Now they are getting some comeuppance.

Your Maximum Leader is shocked (shocked I say!) to read that many commentators, and members of the chattering classes are espousing that the recall is actually anti-democratic. (As an aside, to those of us with Blogs have to include ourselves in the chattering class?) In this article in the Globe and Mail, Jeffery Simpson states that the recall election is populism gone wrong. And this whole site is dedicated to the idea that elections are somehow sacrosanct and cannot be changed.

And while your Maximum Leader is discoursing on this subject, allow him to quote liberally from today's Wall Street Journal Opinion Journal:

Alas for the Democrats, good sense is in exceedingly short supply in their party at the moment. All the major Democratic candidates, as well as all the minor ones except John Edwards and Bob Graham, attended a union-sponsored forum in Philadelphia yesterday, where, Reuters reports, every one of them "blasted California's recall campaign," saying the Golden State is, in the "news" service's words, "being swept by the same right-wing tactics used against Democrats in Florida and Texas and during the impeachment of former President Clinton."

"I think it insults democracy in this country," said Sen. John Kerry of an effort that, according to the California secretary of state's office, collected 1.7 million signatures, 1.3 million of which have been verified. "They should overwhelmingly reject this right-wing, ideological interference in the electoral process of the United States of America," added the haughty, French-looking Massachusetts Democrat, who by the way served in Vietnam.

"This is an attack on the institutions of our government," said Dick Gephardt, referring to a Progressive Era procedure that has been part of the California Constitution since 1911, adding: "That's what Republicans do." Even Joe Lieberman, the occasional voice of sanity, said: "We may disagree, the seven of us here tonight, on a lot of things. But we don't disagree on this one."

Jesse Jackson, who for reasons unknown the Chicago Sun-Times sees fit to have as a regular columnist, is even more hysterical:

"Democracy offends reactionaries. The majority of Americans oppose their extreme agenda, so they plot ways to subvert democratic elections.

Now these Jacobins of reaction have increasing control over the Republican Party. In the French Revolution, the extremist Jacobins espoused liberty and the rights of the people, but used the guillotine to silence the opposition. Today's reactionary Jacobins call themselves conservatives but would overturn democracy to suppress the opposition.

That is what the recall effort against California Gov. Gray Davis is all about."

Jackson even seems to hint at political violence, saying that a successful recall effort threatens to "turn American politics into an unending alley fight that could get very ugly very fast."

Well allow your Maximum Leader to point something out to these fine people. This recall election is not populism gone wrong. It is not anti-democratic. It is not an insult to the institutions of government. It is not a guillotine to use against opposition. (BTW, what are the chances that Brother Jesse acually wrote that quote? Your Maximum Leader is agog trying to digest the possibility that The Reverend Jackson could describe for a member of his flock what a Jacobin was. Your Maximum Leader is so flummoxed by this he is going to have to settle himself down with a good scotch whisky. He would also like to pass a note to the founder of the Rainbow Coalition. Watch those college boys you hire Jesse, they might actually make you say something that would cause people to confuse you with a liberally educated man.)

The recall election is populism in it truest form, out of control. It is proof that when you give a man the franchise, you do not also issue him a brain.

In my earlier post about California I expressed my dismay with the whiners in the Golden State. Well my minions, recall elections are what happen when the whiners can vote. Someone can whip up the masses into a frenzy, next thing you know, the state is racking up a $70 Million bill to hold an election that will confuse the very masses that want the election. If the good people of South Florida can't figure out a butterfly ballot, I doubt many of the denizens of the Bay Area will fare well against a 4 page ballot with over 200 names. And all this crying about the recall election being anti-democratic, or just a way for out-of-control Republicans to take back the state that they lost to Gray Davis you Maximum Leader can say only this. If you don't like the provisions of your own state constitution (its in there - read Article 2), change it and stop your bellyaching.

There is nothing un- (or anti-) democratic about the recall. The faction that wanted Davis recalled followed all the rules and are getting their way. For all of those people bemoaning the fact that the next governor of California might be elected with less than 20% of the vote should get their arses in gear and vote no on the first question facing the voters of California. That question being should Gray Davis be recalled? Once that question passes, all bets are off baby.

And so, where do things stand among those running for governor? Well, it seems that Arh-nold will not get any Kennedy endorsements. (Beyond the one that Maria has given him for all these years.) And what is Arh-nold doing in NYC campaigning? Shouldn't he be in Orange County (or "The O.C." as Fox tries to call it) pressing the flesh?

According to the California Secretary of State, the Honorable Kevin Shelley, candidates are being certified day and night. Your Maximum Leader saw a number of familiar names on the list of those already certified. He hopes that every one of the applicants will be on the ballot.

Just remember my minions... Dictatorship is the natural state of government for men. One day, perhaps one sooner rather than later, your Maximum Leader will come and remove you all from the troubles of self-governance.

Carry on.

August 12, 2003


Greetings loyal minions. Your Maximum Leader is pleased to read that General Mussharif of Pakistan is initiating a cease fire along the contested Line of Control between India and Pakistan. While your Maximum Leader does not believe that the India/Pakistan tension is as great as the North/South Korea tension, it is important to keep an eye on that region. We in the west should be thankful that Mussharif is keeping Islamic extremism in his nation under control. Your Maximum Leader suspects that if Usama Bin Laden is still alive, it is likely that he is hiding around the Afghanistan/Pakistan border. One would hope the reward on his head would be enough to entice some brave soul to turn him in...

Carry on.

More California Fun!

Greetings loyal minions. Your Maximum Leader was pleased to read about all of the chaos surrounding the technical aspects of the California Recall. It seems that the candidates will have to appear on three ballots because they will not all fit on one. Of course this means that well meaning (yet stupid) voters will likely vote for one person on each page, which will invalidate their vote all together. Moreover, elections officials don't have the normal length of time (9 months) to prepare. But they have to pull the whole thing together in just a few weeks! Egads! Government officials who can't handle deadlines?!?!

Your Maximum Leader just sits in his compound and guffaws.

Carry on.

Do You Believe in Miracles?!?!

It's a sad thing to see on the news first thing in the morning.

California Dreamin'

Greetings loyal minions. Your Maximum Leader returned to the Villainous Compound a little early tonight, and put the little Villainettes to bed and decided to blog a little.

First, allow your Maximum Leader to state for the record that he really likes the new Villainmobile. It is 302 horsepower fun on the highway. Your Maximum Leader enjoys the fact that he can now pass people doing 85 mph in the middle lane of the interstate and not have the tachometer crest 2500 rpms. Ahhhh sweet premium gas-guzzling American power!

To move things along... Your Maximum Leader is glad that he does not reside in California. However, if things continue the way they are going he is going to have to visit and pretend to live there so he may vote in the upcoming gubernatorial recall election. As you may have guessed, your Maximum Leader tends to skew rightwards on the old political spectrum. So many of his inner circle think that he should be so happy that it looks like the idiot Gray Davis will be recalled. Indeed, your Maximum Leader is enjoying the spectacle of the recall, but it saddens him as well.

Your Maximum Leader is saddened, for one that the whole recall is being played out. Becoming governor of the largest US State (population-wise - your Maximum Leader loves you Alaska!), and the 5th largest economy in the world, via the flawed recall process built into the California constitution was part of his way of launching the MWO. (Fear not, your Maximum Leader has other plans...)

BTW, your Maximum Leader is getting pretty tired of hearing that California is the world's fifth largest economy. One would think that with such a large and robust economy California wouldn't be in such a wretched mess. Alas when you dabble in the energy market with state funds, and grossly over expand public spending boondoggles, and change labour laws to make people "feel" better while driving their employers out of business, economic ruin is just around the corner. How many times does your Maximum Leader need to tell you - elected Democrats (and for the sake of fair and honest disclosure, a significant number of elected Republicans) are not capitalists and shouldn't be entrusted to play in the market economy. Frankly, most political types can't be trusted to play with taxpayer money at all, but I digress...

Another matter concerning the recall saddens your Maximum Leader. Everyone's persistent whining about the whole process is getting on your Maximum Leader's last nerve. Gray Davis is whining because he can't be on the ballot. Democrats are whining because they have been told not to run. Republicans are whining because there are soooo many candidates. Conservatives are whining because the conservatives running don't seem to stand a snowball's chance in hell of wining. Liberals are whining because they fear that the glorious socialist republic they hope to build in the Golden State will be ruined by the interference of Enron in the energy market to start the whole problem. All in all there is just too much whining going on. Frankly, your Maximum Leader would have most of these whining people dragged out and shot. (Except Arianna Huffington. She amuses your Maximum Leader, although he doesn't like her at all. She is such an evil little social climber. She believes in only one thing, herself. Perhaps this is the reason your Maximum Leader doesn't like her? She shall be publicly humiliated and then dragged out and shot.)

All this whining comes down to one persistent problem in the United States right now. The belief that "things aren't fair." Your Maximum Leader is well aware that this field has been plowed many times before. Call it the "Victim Mentality," or an "infantile disorder," or whatever you like. If there is one thing that prompts your Maximum Leader to draw out his Ruger .45 long Colt pistol and want to kill someone it is the high-pitched whine of "its not fair." We all know that life isn't fair. We (by this I mean all the sensible people of the world - of which there are tragically few) all understand that sometimes one meets with a bad break, or things don't go your way. All this whininess and the constant push to make things "fair" for everyone is just too much.

One of your Maximum Leader's favourite philosophers (not Hobbes), Robert Nozick wrote a wonderful little book called "Anarchy, State, and Utopia." In it he addressed the idea of equality when approached from the position of fairness. When people say things aren't fair, they generally mean that they feel (feeling, it is always feeling!) that they aren't being given equal treatment because they receive an outcome they don't like. Oftentimes claims of things "not being fair" are immediately followed by a request for compensation.

The late Dr. Nozick wrote a wonderful little passage about this. He pointed out that people are not equally attractive. Because of this, people who are not particularly comely may not be able to marry a beautiful (but perhaps superficial) person. To paraphrase Nozick's argument for the sake of brevity, let us say that your Maximum Leader were to pitch a little woo at Miss Jennifer Love Hewitt. In addition, let us suppose that Miss Hewitt succumbed to your Maximum Leader's charms. She is quite comely. Moreover, while your Maximum Leader is certainly not Quasimodo, he is not Hollywood good-looking. If the Poet Laureate were also a suitor of "Love" he could claim it wasn't fair that she chose your Maximum Leader over him. He could also claim that he required compensation to right the unfairness of the situation. His claim would be baseless. We don't compensate people for unfair outcomes in love. Why on earth would we compensate people for every other perceived unfairness? Nozick (who is much more eloquent on this point that is your Maximum Leader in this space) posits that so long as one person or group doesn't have a government sanctioned advantage over another person or group, nature dictates that outcomes will often be unequal. And thus they will also be perceived as unfair.

Forgive me, I digress again...

You may now be saying to yourself, "Self, is there anything about the California recall situation that my Maximum Leader does like?" Indeed there is...

Your Maximum Leader, as he said before, is amused by the spectacle of it all. He remembers that it was once said that people deserve what they get in a democracy, and they deserve it hard. The good people of California are getting what they deserve and hard.

Your Maximum Leader reads the different news sources that tell him that there are more that 150 candidates to replace Gray Davis. That amuses your Maximum Leader. I would like to see some of those hippies in Berkley try to get through that ballot.

Does your Maximum Leader prefer a particular candidate? Not really. Ah-nold is mildly appealing. He appears to be a moderate Republican. Sort of squishy on social issues, but seemingly conservative on economic ones. Your Maximum Leader doesn't trust economic conservatives who are socially liberal to stay economically conservative for long. It all boils down to the fact that if you are truly liberal socially, you can't think of a convincing reason (at least convincing to the socially and fiscally liberal people) why one should maintain a fiscally conservative position. There is something to social liberalism that lends itself to government paternalism. That doesn't appeal to your Maximum Leader.

Who are the other major candidates? There are no other major candidates. They are all minor candidates. They all amuse your Maximum Leader. Gary Coleman. Arianna Huffington. That Simon fellow who was defeated by Gray Davis last year. And then there are the "Adult" entertainment candidates. Larry Flynt and Mary Carey. Your Maximum Leader is conflicted by the porn industry. On the one hand, he believes it is wrong to make sex a commodity and to objectify men and women (women mostly). He also believes that porn is ultimately coarsening our civilization and is helping to break down the civil code and eliminate public shame and taboo - which are powerful tools for keeping society together. But, on the other hand, porn is not objectionable to so many people, and it is relatively easy to insulate yourself from it. (Yes it is. Really. Your Maximum Leader firmly believes that if you don't want to expose yourself (ahem) to porn you don't have to.) He is not sure where this is going... So back to...

Larry Flynt calls himself a "smut peddler who cares." How touching. Your Maximum Leader isn't too sure what he cares about, but he is sure that someone will find out between now and Election Day. Flynt says he will expand gambling, legalize prostitution, and give illegal immigrants amnesty. These steps will eliminate the budget crisis facing the state. Larry, Larry, Larry. Your Maximum Leader needs to tell you that these items are tired and have already been overused by too many old free-love hippie-types. Think of something novel and new. Like "adult film star" Mary Carey did in her platform. Her platform calls for a "Porn for Pistols" swap. Bring in your guns and we give you porn! What an idea! At least it is new. (N.B.: your Maximum Leader doesn't have the heart to tell Ms. Carey that Guns for anything proposals around the country are big frauds. They wind up getting the old rusty can't-be-shot pistols out of old drawers in garages. They do not have young Crips and Bloods lining up outside courthouses to trade their Mac-10's and Uzi's for a copy of whatever films Ms. Carey has starred in.) One platform position Ms. Carey offers is to tax breast implant surgery. Now THAT idea can raise some revenue. Why not tax Botox too? And tummy tucks, thigh trims, collagen injections, and facelifts? Humm... Very interesting.

Well, your Maximum Leader has rambled on quite enough for now. He is sure the California race will become more exciting. He will watch it carefully.

Carry on my minions!

August 07, 2003

New Villainmobile

Greetings loyal minions. Your Maximum Leader did not have time to post yesterday, but he did admire the Poet Laureate's haiku. Why you may ask yourself? Your Maximum Leader has a new Villainmobile. Your Maximum Leader is quite contented to know that he now has a large (room for Mrs. Villain and the Villainettes) powerful sedan with which to prowl the roads of our nation. More commentary to come. Today's subject - whiners.

Carry on.

August 06, 2003

eating a dead horse

First, we should note that eating a dead horse is easier and tastier than chewing on a live one while it's trying to gallop away. If you absolutely must tackle a live horse, do not make the mistake I made and try eating it butt-first.

Second, I think that rendering the horse edible (as equine sushi or dog food) is more constructive than delaying the horse's inevitable return to the Circle of Life. Roy Rogers is infamous for having stuffed and mounted Trigger, an act I found morbid. He is more deservedly famous for having mounted and stuffed Dale Evans numerous times, though he may not have been aware that Trigger was also secretly mounting Dale Evans on the side.

Third, I have come here to excrete a poem.


eat my ass and die
sushi-making Jappy freak
too chewy for you!


August 05, 2003

Horse Racing

Greetings loyal minions. Your Maximum Leader was taking a quick break and reading up on ESPN about things in the world of sports when I saw this article. Now, your Maximum Leader might like horse racing a little more than the average person (I generally go to two horse races a year and watch the three Triple Crown races.) Your Maximum Leader also has a college friend who group up on a horse farm, and he tries to visit it once and a while. So reading this article upset him a little. Your Maximum Leader has had horsemeat once in Europe, and didn't find it unappetizing. But, he is now put out after reading what has happened to the great racehorse Ferdinand. Perhaps your Maximum Leader is engaging in a little cognative dissidence in that he does not object to horsemeat, but objects to particular horses being eaten. All the same, great racehorses shouldn't be eaten.

Carry on.

American cultural imperalism at its finest!

Greetings loyal minions. In the words of the immortal Homer Simpson, "Ummmm, doooughnuts." No more eggs and kippers (or baked beans on toast) for the Brits at breakfast...

Carry on.

August 04, 2003

the so-called "definitive list"

[NB: This letter is from Jacques Chirac.]


Many claims were initially made by the MWO's Maximum Leader about the existence of this "definitive list," and those claims formed the argumentative groundwork for certain unsavory actions undertaken by the MWO. Those unsavory actions include the theft of massive amounts of French wine and cheese; the stationing of a nuclear submarine off France's west coast, near Nantes; the capture and removal from our borders of over 4000 swarthy Provencale women aged between 18 and 29; the covert installation of a mobile missile launcher on the territory of Omaha Beach; the placement of a giant papier-mache hand upon the Eiffel Tower (the hand is performing a foul gesture with its middle finger); the forced, televised sodomization of Dominique de Villepin by an angry horse (with commentary by Patrick Poivre-d'Arvor); and the apparently coordinated mass-steamrollering of over 20 million poodles in all the major cities of France.

Unfortunately, it has now become apparent that the vaunted "definitive list," despite intensive search efforts to dredge it up, in fact appears not to exist. France is formally registering its displeasure with the MWO's recent unsavory actions, and its suspicions that the MWO has been dealing in falsehoods. We are submitting a copy of this letter to the Secretary General of the United Nations and to PETA. Unless the MWO is able to produce this document within 30 days, France will be obliged to write and "cc" another letter of complaint.


Trou de Cul

Two Items

Greetings loyal minions. Your Maximum Leader has two things to note for the record. First, he is saddened that National Review Online is taking the week off. (He will not post the link, since if you read it regularly there is nothing new to see.) Your Maximum Leader knows that the good people at NRO need some time off to regroup and relax for a while. But, your Maximum Leader also thinks that when they return they may do something silly like start charging to read the site! Your Maximum Leader knows that it takes some resources to run a major web site like NRO. But he hopes that they can find a way to keep their great content free for the masses.

(Speaking of taking resources... Wouldn't now be a great time to get a mug with your Maximum Leader on it? Of course it would...)

Secondly, your Maximum Leader must respond to the Air Marshal... He knows that the recently posted list of the 40 Signs of the MWO is not the original list. Alas, he could not find the electronic file with the originial list, nor could he read all of the items off the old scrap of paper he found... So, this is a new and improved list for the legions of minions. Not to mention, your Maximum Leader likes to keep his lists up to date...

Carry on.

Mike World Order

With all due respect, the definitive "40 signs" list (the one on the fridge at the old Farmhouse) was made Prior to the existence of digital cable, and prior to the adoption of the title "Bighominid" by Kev. So what Kenneth Starr wants to know is "Where's the definitive list?".

August 02, 2003

So that is the reason...

Greetings again loyal minions. Your Maximum Leader was, as is his habit, perusing the Reuters news wire when he caught this article. It seems that the beautiful dome added to the top of the Riechstag by Lord Norman Foster is imbued with bad feng shui. The glass dome over the heads of the parliamentarians just sucks the ideas out of their brains. Your Maximum Leader is curious as to why this is a problem. Your Maximum Leader is convinced that if the dome were covered with foil, as the feng shui expert suggests, the first thought that would occur to the parliamentarians would be to elect a nationalist dictator and then invade France...

Carry on my minions.

Minion Mailbag!

Greetings loyal minions. Your Maximum Leader decided to dip once again into the Minion Mailbag. Here is the message:

Dear Maximum Leader:

I just read your Summer Suanders post. I am curious what are the 40 signs of the Mike World Order? Minions need to know.


Looking for the Signs.

The Maximum Leader responds:

Dear Looking:

Your Maximum Leader looked through a considerable pile of old 3.5 inch floppy disks trying to find the aforementioned list of the 40 signs of the Mike World Order. Regrettably, the original list must be lost electronically. By odd happenstance, your Maximum Leader was able to find part of the list in an old file folder. So, just for you my loyal minions, your Maximum Leader has revised and will now republish the list of the 40 Signs of the MWO.

40 Signs of the Mike World Order.
(In no particular order)

1. Your Maximum Leader's profile on all the coins.
2. A huge democratically elected parliament that meets continually, but accomplishes nothing.
3. Identity papers.
4. Show trials. (With free admission!)
5. O.J. retried, found guilty, and stoned to death.
6. All traces of post-1986 Michael Jackson erased.
7. Saint Elvis.
8. Heidi Klum becomes new model for Statue of Liberty.
9. Statue of Liberty renamed Statue of Conformity to the Mike World Order.
10. Abundant, cheap, clean, public transportation.
11. Beer for the People!
12. Distilled spirits for the elites!
13. Huge military parades, for no particular reason.
14. Free digital cable for the People!
15. At least 5 quality programs on digital cable at any given time.
16. MLNN, the Maximum Leader News Network.
17. Ted Turner dragged out and shot, just for fun.
18. Public executions. (With free admission!)
19. Did I just say "Beer for the People?" I meant to say "FREE high-quality Beer for the People!"
20. Permits required before people can wear spandex in public.
21. One radio station broadcasting all Richard Wagner, all the time.
22. One radio station broadcasting all Elvis, all the time.
23. Special lanes on roads for the most loyal of loyal minions to drive on.
24. "No Blood, No Foul" rule introduced to the NBA to make games more interesting.
25. No hockey teams in places that do not naturally get snow during the winter.
26. Bud Selig dragged out and shot for crimes against baseball.
27. Barbara Striesand being forced to clean her own bathroom at least twice a week.
28. Barbara Striesand being forced to clean the Big Hominid's bathroom daily, with her tounge.
29. Permits required of couples before breeding.
30. More honest labeling of organic products.
31. Photos of topless women on Page 3 of every reputable newspaper.
32. (For the ladies!) Photos of hunky guys on Page 5 of every reputable newspaper.
33. Music appreciation taught in all grades at all schools.
34. One cable channel broadcasting Jennifer Love Hewitt all the time.
35. The new MS-Windows OS will be both intuitive and functional.
36. School children taught the poetry of the Big Hominid in 10th grade.
37. Bill and Hillary forced to live together and like it.
38. Shame and humiliation restored to civil society, maybe through strategic use of pillorys.
39. People allowed to drive as fast as they want on toll roads. (You're paying for it afterall.)
40. Perpetual happiness for the masses under the benevolent rule of an enlighted Maximum Leader.

Make note of these items my minions. These are the signs.

Carry on.

August 01, 2003

Letters of Marque and Reprisal

Greetings loyal minions! Your Maximum Leader promised many days ago that he had been planning to write blog concerning Letters of Marque and Reprisal. He feels the time for this post might as well be now.

Your Maximum Leader, in a scotch whisky induced fog, asked rhetorically if the US was better off (from an overall security standpoint) as a result of the 9/11 attacks. The AirMarshal (his Minister for Air and Space - who is a rocket scientist by the way, really he has the sheepskin to prove it!) posted a clear and succinct blog saying, hey don't sweat the "what if's" focus on the real world and get rid of the terrorists.

Your Maximum Leader believes that we are more secure as a result of many things since 9/11/01. Not the least of the factors contributing to US security is our presence in Iraq. Your Maximum Leader believes, and has stated before, that the Hussein regime was a threat to US (and frankly global) security. While they may not have had WMD ready to use against the US or our allies at a moments notice; the regime's past history of developing and using these weapons is clear. The Hussein regime threatened to develop and use WMD in the future, and those types of threats cannot go unanswered. The proper action, given the long history of the Iraqi problem, was a regime change. By removing Saddam and the Ba'ath party, the US has taken away one state supporter of terror; and sent a signal that further support of terror by an established state would not be tolerated. Our security (and that of many other nations) is enhanced.

But now, terrorist groups and those states/people who support them are not likely to be so bold as announcing their intentions on the world stage. Syria and Iran (as state supporters of terror) and other nations (like our good friends the Saudi's) will become more sophisticated in hiding their support for terror groups. And those groups will go further underground. Your Maximum Leader believes the US needs to redouble its efforts in human intelligence gathering and analysis. And perhaps we should also take the additional step of issuing Letters of Marque and Reprisal to individual citizens to take action on behalf of the US against terror groups.

Where did all this Letter of Marque stuff come from you ask? Well, Your Maximum Leader has read the US Constitution and is familar with Article One, Section 8, Clause 10 of that document which states that the Congress of the US shall have the power to: "To declare war, grant letters of marque and reprisal, and make rules concerning captures on land and water".

What is a Letter of Marque and Reprisal you ask? Put simply, it is a Letter granted to a private citizen to outfit a paramilitary group and use that group against the enemies of his country. Letters of Marque and Reprisal had their heyday in the 16th-17th Centuries, and were primarially given to individuals who would engage in privateering on the high seas.

Now, as a severely overeducated man, your Maximum Leader is familar with the Declaration of Paris of 1856, which stated that the signatories would no longer engage in privateering. Your Maximum Leader also knows that the US signed the Declaration of Paris of 1856. Perhaps we should read the Declaration very literally and not give a Letter of Marque for actions on the high seas. But, nothing would preclude the US from issuing a Letter of Marque and Reprisal for non-naval actions abroad.

Why use Letters of Marque and Reprisal you ask? Well, your Maximum Leader has been reading the papers, blogs, and journals and taking in all of the commentary concerning our situation in Iraq. It seems to the Maximum Leader that many Americans would like to avoid putting our servicemen at risk. Would the American people rather allow people to outfit themselves and put themselves at risk? If a rich person, like Ross Perot for example, would want to outfit a squad or platoon of his own commandos and go after terrorists on behalf of the government of the US - is that better than deploying troops?

Allow your Maximum Leader to digress for a moment... Your Maximum Leader has read a lot recently about how "the American people" are concerned about he mounting casualties in Iraq. These articles always seem to feature some naive someone who says that we shouldn't be endangering our soliders. Once in a while you even get lucky and have Peter Jennings interview a solider who says that they didn't sign up for this (war, that is). Is it not as shocking to you as it is to your Maximum Leader to hear this? As the US has an all volunteer military; and the last time your Maximum Leader checked the military are the ones who fight wars; what did these people sign up for? If you want to go to college, but don't want to take the chance that you might have to invade another country, your Maximum Leader suggests a loan. If you want a job that is steady, but don't want to have to kill someone, the military is not for you. If you don't want to take the chance that you will be deployed to combat, do not join the military. But, I digress...

Your Maximum Leader suggests that Letters of Marque and Reprisal might be useful in combating terror. As terrorist groups are extraterritorial, it is unlikely that the US military will be able to deploy in a country (Syria?, Iran?) and "look around" for the terrorists that might be residing there. But, private citizens might be better equiped to get near the terrorists and take whatever action is needed.

You Maximum Leader realizes this issue is rife with difficulties. First, traditionally if you had a Letter of Marque you were "paid" in loot. You captured a ship, you could sell it (or outfit it to join your own). How would one compensate someone operating under a Letter of Marque? Allow them to take control of terrorist assets? Sell them? Perhaps. If there are significant assets that might work. Usama Bin Laden appears to have money. The 9/11 terrorists had a steady supply of money. If you can take out the terrorists and find their money - it is yours to keep. (Tax free?)

Secondly, what is the downside for the US? Would we need to give a certain degree of protection to those operating with a Letter of Marque? Your Maximum Leader thinks not. If, in the olden days, you were captured - you were pretty much on your own. But, with bodies like the International Criminal Court, etc. would the US have to do something to protect its citizens operating on its behalf?

Thirdly, would we be stooping to their level? In so much as those with a Letter of Marque would not be blowing up pizza parlours, restaurants, discos, office buildings, and airplanes filled with non-combantant/non-terrorists (i.e.: innocent people), we would not be stooping to their level. But, your Maximum Leader is sure that France would object.

Finally, would anyone really do it? Your Maximum Leader thinks so. Really, when one stops to think about it, we (the US) already invites such activity. We put rewards out on people. Some lucky Iraqi is $30,000,000.00 richer for giving us the locale of Uday and Qusay. Would the US government have paid the bounty to a group of US citizens, acting on their own without military assistance, who killed/captured the two Hussein boys? Your Maximum Leader believes that answer to be yes. So perhaps we are already issuing Letters of Marque against terrorists.

Alas, the hour is late and your Maximum Leader needs his rest. Feel free to send your comments on this matter (or others) to me at:

Carry on my minions.