July 31, 2003

Shaken, not stirred.

Sam Phillips, RIP

Greetings loyal minions. It seems as though your Maximum Leader is becoming nothing more than a relayer of news that one most probably has read elsewhere. He promises that he will write more of substance very soon.

Today he wants to pass along news of the death of Sam Phillips, the founder of Sun Records. It was at Sam Phillips' Sun Studios in Memphis, TN that Elvis recorded his first record (one for his mother's birthday). By a stroke of luck, Sam's secretary remembered Elvis a few months later when Sam wanted to make a record that would be commercially successful. Sam worked with Elvis and they recorded "That's all right Momma." That record became an instant hit in Memphis and across the south, and launched Elvis' career. In a way, Sam was the midwife to Rock and Roll. May he rest in peace.

Carry on.

Punks and Zeppelin

More Salon Drivel

I guess Punk fans finally figured out that Led Zeppelin were actually good. Amazing. It only took them 30 years.

The Air Marshall owes thanks to "Beaker", the one who introduced me to Zeppelin in High School.

Are we safer now?

This article is typical Salon Bush-bashing. Not worthy of too much comment. But has the ML posed this question earlier, I thought it worth mentioning. I don't think this is the appropriate question. I think a better question would be to ask if our current situation will lead us to a safer world, when we have finished our task. If yes, then it's worth it. If no, then it was a mistake.

As any homeowner will attest, if you want to get rid of a wasps nest, you run the risk of getting stung. However, disposing of a colony of wasps may well be worth risking getting stung. Unless you are alergic, then you are SOL I guess.

July 30, 2003

Nothing of substance/JLH...

Greetings loyal minions. Your Maximum Leader disappoints himself. He has so many intelligent and topical things to say, but can't find the time to type out his thoughts. Of course, he had a few hours last night when he could have blogged a little. But instead he sat in front of his new Sony TV and watched a movie with Mrs. Villain. After the movie he watched the Orlando Jones Show.

Allow your Maximum Leader to say that Orlando Jones' eyes are quite disturbing to view for a prolonged period. They appear as though he has been in a depressurization chamber for too long. Regardless, your Maximum Leader (and Mrs. Villain) watched Orlando Jones because the guest was none other than Jennifer Love Hewitt. It seems that Ms. Hewitt has now dyed her hair blonde. Why? (Your Maximum Leader asks rhetorically.) She was perfectly attractive (very very attractive in fact) with her natural hair colour. Your Maximum Leader suspects that JLH has become jealous of all of the attention he has been giving to blonde conservative uberbabe, Ann Coulter. JLH is vying for your Maximum Leader's attention by dying her hair blonde... Jennifer... Love... Don't go changing to try to please me. Your Maximum Leader liked you just the way you were. You still have a special place in my heart. (After Mrs. Villain, and the Villainettes.)

Carry on my minions.

July 29, 2003

Ah... Summer...

Greetings loyal minions. Your Maximum Leader is a little pressed for time today and not sure that he will have time to post anything of substance. But, he will commend this to you. In the days before Mrs. Villain, your Maximum Leader used to have two lists posted conspicously on his 'fridge. The first was the "40 Signs of the Mike World Order" list. The second was "The Top 50 Most Desireable Women in the Universe EVER" list. Summer Saunders was Number 8 on that list. (For those of you interested, the Number 1 was Vivien Leigh. Remember, the list said "EVER." As in all history. Helen of Troy was Number 5. She had to be! Your Maximum Leaders asks -rhetorically- How hot does a woman have to be to get two kingdoms to go to war with each other for over 10 years? Very is the answer.) But, I digress...

Your Maximum Leader thinks that you should go to ESPN's Page 2, and read "10 Burning Questions for Summer Saunders."

Carry on.

July 28, 2003

They finally got it...

Greetings loyal minions. Your Maximum Leader was amused to read the following quotation from one Ala'a Makki (the former head of one of Uday Hussein's TV stations). In his last meeting with Makki, Uday Hussein said: "'This time I think the Americans are serious. Bush is not like Clinton. I think this is the end." This quotation is courtesy of the Washington Times. Read the whole article here.

Without trying to gratuitously bash President Clinton, your Maximum Leader believes that at the end Uday put his (soon-to-be-dead-in-a-shootout-with-US-GI's) finger on something very important. Your Maximum Leader has firmly believed that the inconstancy of US foreign policy under President Clinton was a contributing factor in the 9/11 attacks. Terrorists were emboldened by our lack of resolve in many things foreign and believed that we would not be able/willing to respond forcefully. It seems at the end Uday Hussein might have realized that when Americans set their minds to something, we can make the impossible real.

Carry on.

Bob Hope RIP

Greetings loyal minions. Sad news. Bob Hope has passed, aged 100. Your Maximum Leader is saddened at the passing of this great American who did so much for our fighting men. But, he is also glad that Hope rests now with his creator.

July 27, 2003

First Corporate Target of the MWO!

Greetings loyal minions! Your Maximum Leader is now declaring that, upon the commencement of the MWO, Samsung must be liquidated! Allow your Maximum Leader to bloviate for a moment. As regular readers may remember, your Maximum Leader's compound suffered a lightning strike and loss of internet connection in a storm a few weeks ago. During that same storm, the 28 inch RCA Color TV that had well served the Maximum Leader, Mrs. Villain, and the Villainettes for many years was fryed. Your Maximum Leader witnessed the death of the RCA TV. There was a small arc of electricity from the cable jack in the wall down the length of the coax cable towards the TV. An instant later, the RCA TV was history.

So, your Maximum Leader started looking for new TVs. Now, allow your Maximum Leader to state for the record that when it comes to consumer electronics there are three brands that he regards highly. They are: RCA, Sony, and Kenwood. He regards these three for different reasons. For as long as your Maximum Leader can remember he has had an RCA TV. And since Elvis also had RCA TVs your Maximum Leader has always thought of his TV as a small way "The King" and "The Naked Villain" were connected across space and time. Your Maximum Leader has never purchased a Sony product with which he has not been completely satisfied. And your Maximum Leader's Hi-Fi is a Kenwood system that is still plugging away very well after 15 years... But, I digress...

Your Maximum Leader decided to undertake the conversion of Mrs. Villain from being a regular TV view to a Widescreen HDTV viewer. After much wailing and gnashing of teeth, Mrs. Villain and the Villainettes were convinced that the new TV in the most Villainous Compound would be a Widescreen HDTV. So, your Maximum Leader did research and conferred with knowledgable men and decided that a Samsung 42 inch Widescreen HDTV would both satisfy his TV viewing needs and fit within the amount he had allocated to spend. So, your Maximum Leader went down to his perveyors of electronics and bought one.

Much to his dismay, upon getting the TV to the Villainous Compound and setting it up; there was a very noticeable green stripe on one side of the screen that would not go away. For those of you out there who might be thinking that your Maximum Leader didn't try hard to get rid of the green stripe, allow him to disabuse you of that notion. Your Maximum Leader adjusted the convergence (both manually and automatically), adjusted the RGB levels, and did all of the standard sharpness, contrast, brightness stuff. Nothing would get rid of the green stripe. So, as you might think appropriate, your Maximum Leader went back to the electronics perveyor and requested a new TV.

Three days later, a new TV was brought to the Villainous Compound. It too was installed. It too was adjusted. AND IT TOO HAD A PERSISTENT STRIPE ON THE SCREEN THAT WOULD NOT DIE!!!!! For the sake of full disclosure, your Maximum Leader will admit that the stripe was not green, but yellowish/greenish; and it was considerably smaller than the previous TV's green stripe.

So, your Maximum Leader returned to the electronics perveyor, had the General Manager dragged out and shot, and then discussed calmly (please remember your Maximum Leader is famously even-tempered) his situation with a young, attractive female manager in the customer service department. (Your Maximum Leader couldn't help but let his mind wander and imagine her in a Naked Villainy Camisole or Naked Villainy Thong... But, I digress again.)

Your Maximum Leader was now convinced that ALL SAMSUNG PRODUCTS WERE NOT WORTHY OF BEING USED AS TOILETS!. I am well aware that Samsung is a very well known component maker for other marque's TVs. But who cares! They might make great components, but they make a piece of worthless crap TV. Your Maximum Leader is so peeved at Samsung now that he will decree that when the MWO begins, Samsung will be dissolved and its assets sold off to the highest bidders. The, former, Samsung President (or Senior VP) of Consumer Electronics will be dragged out and shot. The electrical engineers who designed this faulty peice of crap will be drawn and quartered. And all of the assembly line workers who put the TV together will be given 10 lashes each and forced to beg forgivness of the Maximum Leader in front of the gates of the Villainous compound. But, once again, I digress...

So, at the urging of the comely customer service manager, your Maximum Leader was ushered quietly over to the widescreen TVs and encouraged to choose another model. As befits a man of his stature and regal bearing, the customer service manager and the TV Department manager attended to your Maximum Leader's needs. (At least his TV needs.) When all was said and done, there was a new Sony 46 inch Widescreen HDTV on its way to the Villanous Compound.

Allow your Maximum Leader to say - this TV IS THE GREATEST! Your Maximum Leader, Mrs. Villain, and the Villainettes love it. There is no stripe. It was easy to set up. The universal remote that came with it is much easier to use. The picture is great. The sound is fantastic. And your Maximum Leader is wondering why he is blogging now instead of watching a movie. Regardless, your Maximum Leader is very happy. He is looking forward to watching The Simpsons tonight. And he is looking forward to many years of happy TV viewing in the future.

Your Maximum Leader thanks the Sony Corporation for making such great TVs.

Carry on.

Support the MWO!

Greetings Loyal Minions! Your Maximum Leader has decided to partner up with CafePress.com to open his all new Villainous Commerce shop. Go my Minions! Buy! Buy! Buy!

Show your support for the MWO with a T-Shirt or mug. For the ladies out there, try our Maximum Leader's special undergarment.

Carry on and stimulate the economy my minions!


Greetings loyal minions. Your Maximum Leader has been toying with the HTML of his blog site. He is still looking for the right colour scheme....

Carry on.

July 26, 2003

Man's best appetizer...

Greetings loyal minions. Your Maximum Leader just finished reading his Poet Laureate's account of boshin-t'ang. Good read. Except for the part about Ted Koppel's anatomy, it is very interesting. Click through and read!

Carry on.

Hunting Hoax!

Greetings again loyal minions. Your Maximum Leader is both pleased and disappointed to report that the previously mentioned Hunting for Bambi site is a hoax. He is pleased in that the prospect of such a thing was vile. He is disappointed in so much as so many people were suckered into believing it. Sad really.

Carry on.

July 25, 2003

Would the world be a safer place had the 9/11 attacks not happened? Impossible to say. Would the world have been a better place had the Japanese not attacked Pearl Harbor? Maybe 9/11 opened our eyes to a reality thad we had been (deliberately?) unaware of. I put this question on the table... Have our wars in Afghanistan and Iraq made the world safer?

Perhaps 9/11 and our governments (IMHO appropriate) responses to it haven't necessarily made the world safer, but have accelerated our reaction to issues that we should have been paying closer attention to in the pre 9/11 world. Maybe we have been put on a path that can lead us to a safer world.

The real questions are what should our goal be in foreign policiy, what should our time frame be, and by what metrics can we measure success.

Titan Arum

Greetings one last time today loyal minions. Mrs. Maximum Leader and the Villainettes (your Maximum Leader's progeny) went to see the Titan Arum bloom today. Indeed your Maximium Leader is somewhat jealous of Mrs. Maximum Leader and the Villainettes getting to see this rare exquisite flower. Not only is the bloom 5 feet high, but it smells like rotting flesh. Perhaps this should be the official flower of the MWO? Hummm...

Learn more about this flower here, here and here.

Carry on my minions.

Ruminate on this...

Greetings loyal minions. Your Maximum Leader just had a horrible idea. In a Scotch whisky induced fog while watching a movie with Mrs. Maximum Leader an idea popped to the forefront of his mind.

Earlier in the day, your Maximum Leader read a series of articles on the failure of US intelligence agencies to predict/stop the 9/11 attacks. (Some are here, and here.) Now, surely all Americans can agree the attack on the US was a horrible tragedy. And we may further agree that we (Americans) are now motivated to take on various threats to our nation in a fashion we would not have prior to the attacks. Having said that, had we stopped the 9/11 attacks before they happened would the world be a safer place today? Would it less safe? Would our safety be unchanged?

Your Maximum Leader will have to mull this one over more.

Carry on.

Minion Mailbag Vol 2

Greetings again loyal minions. Your Maximum Leader will dip again into his minion mailbag and see what he finds... Let us examine this message:

Dear Naked Villain:

I noticed this paragraph on your site:

"We need to find a way to work with the significant educated
middle class of Iraq to build a new model for the Muslim
world. One in which democracy works. Where ethnic and
religious differences are tolerated. And one in which
peacefully co-existing with your neighbours is valued."

It is granted that a democratic ruling model has never been a
great success in the muslim world, but until WWII there were
areas of religious tolerance, relative peace, and co-
existance. Usually these were followed by brutal periods of
intolerance, where conversion by force was the rule fo the
land. One such place was Palestine, from about 1800-1940-ish.
All faiths were welcome. Most could own land, run business,
and live day-to-day. Peaceful coexistance was valued. Not to
say all were equal. A Jew or Christian (People of the Book)
had most rights, but paid a religious tax and could not hold
certain public offices. An unrelated faith would not usually
be able to own property and would have to partner with a
local to run a business. Point being that there is nothing
inherently intolerant, violent, or death-loving in most
Islamic practice. (The Taliban are a high profile exception-
they are just evil and deserving of whackage.) This history
may provide the seed we need to encourage mainstream Islam to
veer more towards tolerance and away from the extremist

-Edwin Thomas (of the Hidden Empire)

Dear Edwin Thomas:

Firstly, your Maximum Leader hopes that this Hidden Empire stuff doesn't get out of hand. As you all are aware, those who refuse to accept the dominance of the MWO will have to be dragged out and shot. Their bodies will be left to bloat in the sun. That said, allow your Maximum Leader to respond to your very thoughtful message.

Your Maximum Leader feels he now needs to revise and extend his remarks from an earlier blog. (At the time of the earlier blog he was feeling particularly upbeat and optimistic. Rest assured he is now back to his nakedley (nakedly?) villainous self.) While he certainly does hope that the educated middle-class of Iraq can form the core of a successful democratic state; he also fears that many years of the brutal Hussein regime has crippled that middle-class. And consequently, those people are not secure enough economically to be a strong core for a democratic state. One can hope that with the lifting of sanctions, the gradual influx of capital, the growing outflow of oil, and the restoration of basic services the economy of Iraq and the fortunes of the middle class will grow. Of course, the wiping out of the final reminants of the Hussein regime and the establishment of security within Iraq is another cornerstone of a stable democratic state.

Your Maximum Leader needs to address the implication that the educated middle class of Iraq (such as it is) is also westernized to a degree. At least insofar as toleration is concerned. Your Maximum Leader does not mean to imply that the Iraqi middle class is imbued with western style toleration. Your example of the Palestine under the Ottomans as a place where tolerance was valued is one that we can all hope will be utilized by those hearty souls who will lead (or help lead) Iraq in these dangerous times ahead. But, your Maximum Leader feels it is important to point out that Jews and Christians were tolerated in the Ottoman Empire in as much as they were very small minorities who lived in confined geographic areas. It is easy to tolerate minorities with limited political and economic rights. It becomes much more difficult to tolerate a minority with equal political rights (especially one that might be protected in some way) and with equal economic rights. And it may be nearly impossible to tolerate a minority who have translated political and economic opportunity into great success (ie: Israel). Especially if the majority is not nearly as well off as the minority. Examining the problem this way begins to illuminate the current problem we have in the middle east. Your Maximum Leader will commend to you Bernard Lewis' Article The Roots of Muslim Rage which is a good primer for much of the very intelligent and helpful material Lewis has published.

So where is your Maximum Leader going with this discourse on toleration? Simply, he doesn't feel that the middle class of Iraq is ready now to be tolerant of significant Jewish or Christian populations in their country. They may not be ready for toleration of other muslims in their country. This is a significant problem.

Additionally, your Maximum Leader is not fully convinced that the Iraqi middle class is desirous of a secular democracy. They may be all for democracy, and perhaps even a degree of toleration. But, your Maximum Leader is confident that any Iraqi legal code will give some preference to the tenets of Islam that are common to Shiites, Sunnis and Kurds. Democracy can come in many forms, it is the preference for us in the west to have secular ones. Established religions are not incongruent to democracy. But this gets to the heart of the toleration issue as well. Democracies do not have to be tolerant. There is such a thing as a democratic tyranny.

Your Maximum Leader doesn't mean to parse terms so closely. But, he feels that given the current environment in the world (and the United States); and the continuously escalating rhetoric and expectations for Iraq a little parsing might be in order. It is the firm belief of your Maximum Leader that most people assume that the US is hoping to midwife a secular, western-style republic in which the rights of minorities are protected in Iraq. Your Maximum Leader believes this is possible utilizing a modified federal system under a constitutional monarch. A federal system could provide some autonomy to each of the three major ethnic/religious groups in Iraq. A constitutional monarch may help to unite the country under what is (your Maximum Leader believes - inarguably) a traditional governance structure. Moving towards this type of system, or any system will take time and much effort. Direct US involvement will need to continue for 3-5 years at least. (Conceivably many more.) And US support (economically and politically) will be needed for many more. But the prospect for the middle east with such a nation near its centre is hopeful.

Your Maximum Leader hopes that the people of Iraq (all of them) will be willing to work towards breaking the mold of dictatorial or autocratic states that have dominated the muslim world. But, your Maximum Leader firmly believes that democracy is hard work. You have to be totally committed to the idea and practice of democracy. Your Maximum Leader, as a good Hobbesian, believes that the natural state of man is dictatorship. (Indeed this belief is a cornerstone of his desire to establish the MWO.) Dictatorship is easy. (Trust me on this one...) You just do what you are told, you get along, and if you are lucky your basic needs are met and you can manage a decent life. Iraqis have to commit themselves to change. Without it, as soon as the US starts to withdraw, Iraqi democracy - such as it will be - will start to unravel.

Carry on my minions!

July 24, 2003

Great Headline.

Greetings loyal minions. Your Maximum Leader has just gotten himself a chuckle from this headline from the Times of London:
Iraq wakes up and demands the bodies of evidence.

Those wacky Brits and their double entendres. Your Maximum Leader loves it.

Carry on.

Photographic Proof!

Greetings again loyal minions. Your Maximum Leader presents (courtesy of US Central Command and the Reuters Newswire) the Hussein boys.

Carry on in your minionly ways.

Family Album

For "Graphic Death Photos", they are strangely anti-climactic. I was hoping to see dismemberment. Sonny Corleone looked nastier. Viewer discresion is advised.

Hussein family album here.

Another Movie Reference

Uday... DEAD! Qusay... DEAD! Dean Wormer... DEAD!

Was it over when the Germans bombed Pearl Harbor?

July 23, 2003

Damn Dirty Apes!

Greetings loyal minions! This amused me. Your Maximum Leader is sure this will make it on Letterman tonight.


Loyal Minions! It seems your Maximum Leader and his Minister for Air and Space Power posted our congruent thoughts at nearly the same moment.... Weird.

Look how they massacred my boys...

Greetings again loyal minions. Your Maximum Leader is awaiting (with gruesome glee) the release of photographic proof of Usay's and Qusay's demise. From the way they (that mysterious "they") are talking about it, one would think they got it worse than ole Santino Corleone on the turnpike.

Hussein boys

I like to think of the scene in "the Godfather" where Sonny is brought to the morgue. With Saddam saying "Se how they massacred my boys...." with a tear in his eye.

it likesssss the titles, yes it does, Precioussss

Gollum gives the new titles a thumbs-up.

We also salute our troops as they remove Saddam's most trusted props from beneath him. Here's hoping Saddam himself won't be far behind.

One does have to wonder, though, at the stupidity of hiding out in Iraq, and in a damn mansion, no less.

Here-- a haiku from yours truly, the Maximum Leader's Poet Laureate, in celebration of the Hussein Brothers' demise:

Hussein boys are trapped
rockets strike their jacuzzi
four testicles boil

Thoughts on Iraq

Greetings again loyal minions. Your Maximum Leader is taking this time to comment on the situation in which the US finds itself in Iraq. To begin, your Maximum Leader was an early supporter of the war against Saddam Hussein. Indeed, your Maximum Leader (in those days before his blog page) had a very long and ongoing discussion via e-mail with his Poet Laureate and Minister for Air and Space Power about the need (or lack of need) for war. Without being too egoistic, your Maximum Leader will quote his own old e-mail messages to bring you all up to speed on some of the arguements he made for war.

The basic civic building block of the modern world has been (and for a long while will continue to be) the nation-state. As we all know the Latin root of
the word Civilization is the word for City. All modern civilizations started as City-States, which were essentially a concentrated group of people who
shared similar cultural traits like ethnicity, language, religion, and social mores. These City-States grew up over the centuries into the modern
nation-state. These nation-states act together, essentially, as people act together. That is to say there is a strong degree of self-interest motivating
actions. Nations would become freinds and allies out of interest and would war out of self-interest as well. The first Nation-state to be born out of an
abstract ideal, and not to have evolved out of some earlier form, is the US. This is my first point.

I should state that it is clear that the US is the inheritor of a particular Anglo-Western tradition, and you could make an arguement that we did evolve
from England/Britain. But, I am a firm believer in what is called in History as the "School of American Exceptionalism." This is to say that there are
certain ideas and beliefs we hold dear that are "exceptions" to the regular order of things. This school of thought is not popular in academe today (due
mainly to those weirdo francophile deconstructionists), but has many adherents outside of the Ivory Tower.

What makes us different is that though we came from the Anglo-Western tradition, we shed much of the weighty baggage of the Anglo-Western tradition
that didn't seem to fit with the abstract ideals we claimed to be our guiding lights. These are the famous lines of Jefferson from the Declaration of
Independence that both haunt and motivate us as a people. What did we shed? Established religions, rigid class structure, and most of all the sheer burden of always living according to our historical antecedents. Shedding the historical/cultural/social baggage that STILL is present in Europe was the first step in making the US the great power it is. It also, although it is sometimes unclear how, guides our national actions.

My second point is just to reiterate that nations act in self-interest. The
whole world like to pay lip service to "collective security" and the "will of
nations," etc, etc. But it is our interests that continue to movtivate our
actions. If a nation in our times can wrap their actions in the robes of
collectivism that is great. But, if not, it generally doesn't dissuade action.

My third point, and this one seems to just jump out of nowhere - but it is
really implied in my introduction - Nation-states must act according to the
nature of their people. As I started off, what is the basic building block of
civil order? It is essentially the group of people sharing a similar cultural
tradition. For the US, the overriding cultural tradition is the abstraction
that is the foundation for our civic order, the words of Jefferson about life,
liberty, and happiness. We have, over our 200+ years become a pluralist
society in many ways, but ultimately we all agree in the basic ideas of the

Your Maximum Leader then proceeded to discuss the former (1980s era) cozyness between the US and Iraq.

When the US was engaged in the Cold War with the USSR we did cozy up to Saddam
Hussein. In fact, as the Poet Laureate pointed out, during the Cold War we cozy'ed up with
many a brutal dictator against the USSR. This is motivated by three things.
The first two are: self-interest (it is good to have friends against a strong
enemy); and optimism (we can affect change with our friends and make them nice
democratic clones of ourselves in time). The third idea is that the Communist
system of the USSR (and the world revolution that it espoused) was essentially
dehumanizing and evil. This was the dirty little secret that no one would talk
about until Reagan just said it. Most people (on all sides of the political
spectrum) were horrified at his comments, but they knew (and many will now
admit) that he was right. We had to cozy up to the unpleasant dictators
because the alternative was much worse. We made a value judgement that our
values were better than the other side, and we acted.

Should our past action now taint our current actions? No. The world situation
has changed. We won the Cold War and all of the equations about foreign
relations changed. We now can judge according to different situations, but I
will posit that the ultimate guide for our actions remains the same. During
the Cold War, Iraq could cozy up to both the USSR and the US because of its
counterbalance to Iran (which one could argue was the first country to break
out of the bi-polar world of the Cold War and was the first to step into the
new world order of the 21st Century). It is important to note that BOTH the US
and USSR courted Iraq. We gave money and intellegence, the USSR equipment.
Have you ever wondered why if we were SOOOO cozy with Saddam he is still using
all that old Soviet armour and equipment? We wouldn't sell him any!

To move along, we are still acting according to our principles in our current
dealings with Iraq. It is the other circumstances that have changed. The USSR
is no longer the force it was. We are now threatened by Islamic terrorists.
That is one of the primary movers of our thinking. We are still acting with
moral authority. Iraq is a threat to the US (self-interest), its neighbours
(our belief - although tenuous- in collective security), and its people are
oppressed by a brutal dictator (our moral values).

So, as you all can see, your Maximum Leader formulated a position in favour of a war with Iraq. A portion of my excerpted message did make mention that Saddam Hussein was a threat to US interests by his making and using WMD against his own people and Iran in the past; and there can be no guarantee that he would not make and use (or supply to others) WMD in the future.

Given the current state of world affairs, the menace posed by Islamist terrorists to the US, and the role Iraq played in a continually unstable region of the world, your Maximum Leader believed then (as he does now) that the war was a good move for us on the world stage.

Would that move be without difficulty? No, of course not. Did we plan enough about what to do after the war? Your Maximum Leader said before the war that there will always be unintended consequences of any action. But Iraq was not like a chess game. There were so many permutations to examine that to take the time to examine them all would preclude ever taking action. We needed to have a general plan (and we did - to establish a free, democratic, pluarlist Iraq), but to spell out a detailed plan would have been ridiculous. Your Maximum Leader will point out that when we were fighting in WW2 we didn't spell out a detailed plan for Germany after the war. In 1942 could you have spelled out a plan for what we were going to do to Germany when we won the war? (Remember that we declared war on Japan on Dec 8, 1941. We didn't declare war on Germany until a few days later - and then only
after they declared war on us first. We often forget that FDR was worried that the Nazis wouldn't declare war on us and that we wouldn't be able to justify
war on Germany without their acting first.) The argument that the US shouldn't have moved against Saddam until we have a plan about what
to do once we whip him is not an arguement at all. One might as well worry about whether you will use a condom or not when sleeping with a girl you
haven't even asked out yet. (To use a bad analogy.)

So what does all this mean now that we have beaten Saddam, killed his sons, and occupied his country? It means that we have taken a step towards acting in accordance to the long-standing principles upon which our nation was founded. It means that although the going is tough and we are taking casualites daily, we must stay the course. To deviate would both doom the Iraqi people to another dark age, and would encourage more attacks on the US. Your Maximum Leader firmly believes that Islamists like Usama Bin Laden and his wicked cronies attacked the US in large part because they believed they could get away with it. To change course when we have invested so much blood and treasure into this course would signal weakness and invite further attack.

What do we need to do? We need to find and kill Saddam. This may very well break the back of continued resistance and guerrilla fighting. We need to find a way to work with the significant educated middle class of Iraq to build a new model for the Muslim world. One in which democracy works. Where ethnic and religious differences are tolerated. And one in which peacefully co-existing with your neighbours is valued. Such a nation in the Middle East would go a long way to insuring the long-term security of the US.

What will not help us in our current situation? Continued harping on who was responsible for allowing the President to quote bad intellegence. (Although it appears as though someone has taken the blame.) Your Maximum Leader was not born yesterday and realizes that human intellegence is sometimes faulty. That is the chance you take with dealing with people. Continued focus on the small group of people in Iraq who continue to fight us, and the representation of that group as a majority in Iraq, is not helping our position. And the contant focus on WMD and why we haven't found them is not a help either. Your Maximum Leader knows (as does any thinking person in the world) that Saddam had them at one time. It doesn't take time to fabricate more. And we have found the equipment needed to fabricate the weapons. In time I believe we will find traces of the WMD - but not finding them does not mitigate the strong reasons for ousting Saddam in the first place.

Carry on my minions!

July 22, 2003

Change to titles?

Greetings loyal minions. Your Maximum Leader has opted to change the title style of his blog. He is not sure he likes it. Any loyal minions with an opinion about this subject are welcome to comment on it.

Huzzah! Uday and Qusay have ceased to be.

Greetings loyal minions. Your Maximum Leader was pleased to read a confirmation by a US General that the murderous bastards Uday and Qusay Hussein will no longer walk this earth. May they reside for all eternity inverted in a Danteian pit of flaming feces while their entrails are being feasted upon by imps.
News from Paris

Greetings loyal minions. Big news day overseas... It seems the Eiffel Tower is on fire.
Good news!

Greetings loyal minions! Your Maximum Leader has what he considers good news on the Iraq front to pass along. According to Reuters (Your Maximum Leader's favourite news wire service) it is possible that Uday and Qusay Hussein may have been killed by US soldiers today! Huzzah! Huzzah! Huzzah! Let's hope their dad is in some leatherneck's sights soon... Read the early report here.

Carry on my minions.
Minion Mailbag Note

Greetings again loyal minions. Your Maximum Leader feels he should let you know that if you choose to write him, he may choose to post your message on this site with appropriate commentary. Consider yourself warned! Your Maximum Leader hopes move on to Vol 2 of the Minion Mailbag soon.

Carry on in your minionly ways!

Greetings loyal minions. Your Maximum Leader got a chuckle this morning from reading his Poet Laureate's blog called "Solomon Redux." I commend it to you all. What makes this more interesting is that your Maximum Leader just read this article a few moments before. Your Maximum Leader is familiar with many proposals to "internationalize" Jerusalem. Alas, he fears that in the end they will all come to naught. As the Big Hominid observes, both Jews and Muslims have too much invested in the city to really give it up. Your Maximum Leader does see what might happen should this proposal move forward. For the sake of peace, Israelis will agree to the internationalization of the city. Shortly thereafter, Jerusalem will be overwhelmed by Muslims who will regain de facto control of the city - since in their view the Israelis have abandoned the city. Hell, the Palestinians will possibly be granted de jure control of the city since the UN will be involved. (Your Maximium Leader asks you to review the UN's history towards Israelis in the near term and think hard about that last point.) The root cause of this problem is that no matter how much diplomacy or peace-waging one does, the Palestinians just do not believe that Israel has a right to exist in the first place. Any conession by Israel is viewed as another step towards the end of the state of Israel. Your Maximum Leader believes that Israel must be supported as it is the only stable western nation in the region. Ultimately, the Palestinian authority is nothing more than a nice front for a group of Islamo-fascists who will not be satisfied until Israel is destroyed.

July 19, 2003

Minion Mailbag Vol 1

Greetings again loyal minions. As you are well aware each day the number of those dedicating themselves to the MWO grows significantly. Yes, your Maximum Leader is pleased by the swelling masses of minions poised to take up arms to bring about the MWO. Your Maximum Leader is also keenly aware of the volume of electronic correspondence sent his way. From time to time, your Maximum Leader will publicly respond to some of this correspondence. Let this be the first installment of what your Maximum Leader will now style his Minion Mailbag. Let us begin with this message...

Dear Maximum Leader:

Please, please, please do not hurt me... But I have to admit I don't understand the whole naked villainy thing. You sign yourself the Maximum Leader. But you also seem to refer to yourself as the naked villain. The name of the blog site is nakedvillainy not maximumleader. I dont' get it Please explain it all.

Confused Minion

Dear Confused Minion:

Allow your Maximum Leader to take you from the darkness and lead you to the broad sunlit uplands that will be the MWO. As a man of culture and refined tastes, your Maximum Leader is a great fan of The Bard. Indeed one of your Maximum Leader's favourite plays is Richard III. Many of the unwashed might point out that it would appear to be a contradiction that the Maximum Leader would be a fan of the play that is so mean and vicious towards his favourite monarch. Well, your Maximum Leader is able to separate works of literature from real history. Your Maximum Leader believes that the real King Richard III of England was a good man who rashly left high ground and charged headlong into enemy ranks and consequently met with an unfortunate end at Bosworth. (Your Maximum Leader will refer you to the fine websites of the Richard III societies of the US and Britain for more real history.) But your Maximum Leader is particularly fond of the character of Richard in Shakespeare's play. He talks to the audience. He engages the audience. And he is gleeful in his plotting. Your Maximum Leader was particularly turned on to the play when he saw Sir Ian McKellan's one-man-show and he did some pieces of the play. Your Maximum Leader then saw Sir Ian's production of the play that was later turned into a movie. Indeed, your Maximim Leader commends the film to all his minions. But, I digress... Your Maximum Leader was gleefully happy when he first heard the lines said by Richard in Act 1, Scene 3 of Shakespeare's play. The lines are thus:

But then I sigh; and, with a piece of scripture,
Tell them that God bids us do good for evil:
And thus I clothe my naked villainy
With old odd ends stolen out of holy writ;
And seem a saint, when most I play the devil.

Your Maximum Leader enjoyed them so much he decided that he would use them to further his own aims. You see, your Maximum Leader carefully hides his plotting behind layers and layers of subertuge so that no one will know that the MWO is upon them until it is too late. So, that is part of the explaination of naked villainy.

Carry on loyal minions.

July 18, 2003

Note to Defence Attorneys

Greetings loyal minions! Here's some advice to any lawyers out there. Allowing your client to moon jurors can lead to convictions...
Bambi Hunt stirs protest!

Greetings loyal minions! I posted my thoughts on an item forwarded to me the other day by a loyal minion concerning the "Hunting for Bambi" group near Las Vegas. It seems their activities have spawned protests and investigations. Read all about it here.
It could be her metabolism...

Greetings again loyal minions. Your Maximum Leader has decided to blog once again tonight before retiring for his evening constitutional followed by playtime with his most loyal minion, his dog. Your Maximum Leader feels the need to leap to the defence of the ohhh soooo desireable Ann Coulter. Now, your Maximum Leader's fondness for Ms. Coulter has already been clearly expressed in this forum. Your Maximum Leader is also well aware of the lovely Ann's oft controversial and combative nature. It is, in fact, one of her most desireable features. Your Maximum Leader has no doubt what so ever that the fair Ann is more than perfectly capable of defending her views from others. But, this article on one of your Maximum Leader's favourite website is a bit much.

Now, generally your Maximum Leader gleefully engages in the logical fallacy of the ad hominem attack. But, in those cases when he does resort to namecalling and personal attacks, it is only because he admits that he is stalling for more time in which to devise and plot a logcially flawless argument. (Or give the secret hand signal to a loyal henchman to drag out his opponent and have them shot.) Having said that, your Maximum Leader recognizes that when others engage in personal attacks, it is simply because they have nothing else of consequence to say.

The subject of the radiant Ann's weight seems to be quite interesting to a number of commentators. There is the aforementioned NRO article. There was also this article in Salon a while ago. (One might expect some residual animosity between the good people at NRO and the babealicious Ann after the little falling out they had back in 2001. But I thought they had both moved on. You want to know more about this? Read the column that prompted the falling out.)

So, your Maximum Leader finds himself wondering, "Why?" Why spend the effort to criticize the goddess Ann's weight? Is it some sort of well-known secret that Ann starves herself? If so, perhaps some of those people should try to get her some help. (Isn't that the proper thing to do?) Of course, what if the slender Ann doesn't graze lightly on celery or grass or some other light vegetation? Suppose she has a normal appetite? Have any of these people gone out to lunch with her? (Which by the way, Ann - or should I say, our modern conservative Athena - if you would like to meet for lunch let us know. Your Maximum Leader will gladly treat you, probably with the same super AMEX card used to foil mother nature. E-mail your Maximum Leader Ann!) Your Maximum Leader will posit that the blonde conservative uberbabe has a very active metabolism. One that goes with her very active lifestyle of many TV appearances. Indeed, your Maximum Leader's college roommate had a superhuman metabolism. He could devour two whole Little Ceasar's pizzas in a single (somewhat protracted) sitting and never gain an ounce. This genetic trait was the cause of some jealousy on the part of your Maximum Leader. But, as your Maximum Leader is great and can contain multitudes; he got over it. And that is your Maximum Leader's edict to all these commentators who insist on making the gorgeous Ann's weight an object of scorn. So, your Maximum Leader is putting all you Ann-weight-writers on notice. When the MWO comes, you will be dragged out and shot for your churlishness and logically flawed comments.

Carry on my minions!

July 17, 2003

The latest in female undergarment design.

Greetings loyal minions. Your Maximum Leader noticed this photo and thought, "Oh what will those clever Japanese baseball fans think of next." One doesn't see this type of loyal fandom often enough.

Indeed, your Maximum Leader is mulling over his own apparel and garment line. Perhaps he shall select a line of official "Nakedvillainy" undergarments as well. Humm... Your Maximum Leader is plotting again...
Exterminate the Brutes!

Greetings again loyal minions. Your Maximum Leader is not especially fond of runty dogs. That is not to say that he is not a dog lover. Indeed, your Maximum Leader loves his dog (his most loyal minion) more than he loves many people he knows. In fact, your Maximum Leader can remember fondly and lovingly every dog that has ever been his bosom companion. But still, he just can't show the love to the Chihuahuas mentioned in this article. You may think me horribly cruel, but c'est la vie. The dogs, after all, are ill-tempered it seems...

Be alerted that in the MWO, your Maximum Leader's regime will punish quite severely those who mistreat a non-ill-tempered dog.

Carry on and do minionly things...
But who's to say he was wrong?

Greetings again loyal minions. Your Maximum Leader has just read that a Santa Fe, NM family is suing the Catholic Church. It seems the presiding Priest at a funeral for a deceased family member (would any other type be having a funeral?) commented that the deceased was going to hell. Were your Maximum Leader involved in the case, he would want to call Satan to the stand for the defence to assure that the deceased was not, in fact, in hell. You can read all about it here.
And then the Maximum Leader did a very bad thing...

And then the Maximum Leader did a very bad thing and ALLOWED HIS POET LAUREATE ACCESS TO HIS BLOG.

This normally wouldn't be a problem, since poet laureates are usually found kicking back walruslike in the Turkish spas, sedately peeling grapes and tossing off verse to rapt female page-secretaries (whose price for entry into the spas is their clothing) who record their every word... but I am not just ANY poet laureate, you see.

Think of me more as an excited, incontinent orangutan who's managed, through a series of lucky accidents, to incapacitate the entire bridge crew of the starship Enterprise and is now piloting 400-plus intrepid Starfleet personnel toward the nearest black hole. This is about how I feel, now that I have the ability to write on this blog at will. It's Christmas for the dung-flinging orang! Woo-hoo! We're headed straight for the ass-crack of space-time itself!!

So we've established I'm not entirely sane, and like it that way. In case you need further proof, ask yourself: would a SANE individual provide you with THREE links to his blog, when only one should suffice? Behold:

BigHominid's Hairy Chasms

BigHominid's Hairy Chasms

BigHominid's Hairy Chasms

INSANE, I tell you!

Ah, but I see the captain has reawakened and is shaking off the effects of the stray stun blast that hit him. He looks quite pissed off. Time to make my daring escape! But before I do: I've always wanted to moon the entire Enterprise by putting my bare ass onto every viewscreen-- which I can do from the Captain's Chair! And so I whip off my pants, hit the "all-screens" button, turn around, and... AH-HAAAAAAAAAA!!!

No, wait--

Let-- let GO OF ME--
Theological Ballsyness

Greetings again loyal minions. Your Maximum Leader was following his morning routine and checking in on some of his most loyal henchmen, when he noted his friend (and Poet Laureate's) blog site referencing his blog on Prisoner's Rights. It seems that I was being a little ballsy when I disagreed with God himself about the nature of the rights of man. It seems your Maximum Leader was a little tired when he wrote his post last night. He has edited the sentance in question to better convey his meaning.
Prisoner's Rights

Greetings again loyal minions. Your Maximum Leader mentioned yesterday that he had a discourse on some prisoner's rights lawsuits scheduled for today. And far be it for me to keep my opinions from you all... You might remember that I was driving home last week from a hard day of plotting when I chanced to listen to an NPR story about prisoner's rights lawsuits in many states. Normally when such a story comes on a program like "All Things Distorted" (known to millions of unsuspecting listeners as "All Things Considered) your Maximum Leader refocuses himself and concentrates upon not driving over squirrels or rabbits.

Well, this story got my philosophical juices flowing. (So to speak.) For those of you who are newly minted minions or henchmen, you might not be aware of your Maximum Leader's fondness for the political philosophy of Thomas Hobbes. (See link at left for brief bio, or click here to read his best known work Leviathan.) Many of you may have heard, read, or be otherwise acquainted with the most famous line in this text. (And a line which your Maximum Leader is willing to put forth as the first political sound bite in history.) I know you know it. The one where he says that the natural condition of man is one of a "war of all against all" and that the life of man in this condition is "solitary, poor, nasty, brutish, and short."

At any rate, your Maximum Leader is a big believer in much of what Hobbes has to say about the nature of rights and government. Although it pains me to admit (as until the MWO comes your Maximum Leader is a loyal patriotic American), he has never really fully agreed with the famous words of Thomas Jefferson that men are "endowed by their creator with certain inalienable rights." This is to say that your Maximum Leader has not agreed with the premise of God himself giving to all humanity the right to life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.

I know this might come as a shock to you, but it is true. I believe that we were all created with free will, and self-determination. But, I don't believe God went a step further and started to enumerate political rights for us all. The rights that we enjoy are not God-given. They are, in fact, Man-given. They are the product of our civilization and traditions. They are our customs. As such they can change. The prospect of our rights changing gets most people's knickers in a knot. Liberals want to create a whole bunch of new rights (at the expense of old ones) and Conservatives want to keep the ones we have (at the expense of changing times). We all have to admit that rights evolve as our civilization evolves.

Let your Maximum Leader go on the record now as saying HE and HE ALONE will be the font from which all rights flow down to you, my minions, in the MWO. But, I digress...

Let me move on to my point... Here is my arguement, one in the Hobbesian tradition:

Point one: In the state of nature, we are free to do whatever we want to ourselves or others.

Point two: We don't really like the implications of Point one. Why? 'Cause it means that other people can do to us as we can do unto them.

Point three: As we don't want others doing unto us willy nilly, we get together and form governments. We sacrifice our freedom (to do whatever, whenever, to whomever) to gain the protection of the government from our fellow man.

Point four: As long as we are good, obiedient members of our society and government, we are protected by laws. And laws are good.

Point five: Because laws are good and we all agree to live by them, we have rights. We have rights in society because we have agreed to give up the only true freedom we have.

Point six: What then happens to us if we don't follow the laws? If we are not good boys and girls? We are segregated from society because we can't play by the rules. And not playing by the rules is bad. It means that we have decided to regain our freedom, and sacrifice our rights and the protection of the state.

So, you may be asking yourself, "Self? What does this have to do with prisoners, religious freedom, lawsuits, and NPR?" Allow your Maximum Leader to illuminate you. While he listened, your Maximum Leader started to lose his famously even temper. Prisoners, suing states to grow their hair long? To smoke some gange? To freely and openly practice religion however they want in what should be a controlled environment suitable only for people who can't play by the rules? How can your Maximum Leader put a fine point on this? Some of you may be familiar with the late (and not much mourned) Jeffery Dahmer. Let us just say that in the MWO, after Dahmer had been tried in a court of law, found guilty, and allowed an appeal, he would have been set free from prison. But before he was set free; he would have the word "Murderer" branded onto his forehead. This brand would be the signal to good citizens of the MWO that Dahmer had put himself outside the protection of the state. He had chosen true freedom over protection. So, when Dahmer set foot outside of the prison, anyone could do anything to him they wanted. Believe in capital punishment? Go ahead and shoot, stab, or maim... Think he deserves a second chance, give him one. You offer to protect him personally. In essence, anyone would be free to do anything to him at any time. His conviction and failure to win appeal for a heinous crime meant that the state revoked its protection. Your Maximum Leader knows this sounds a little harsh, but he really thinks it is a better way.

So what about these prisoners? Frankly, they have, in the view of your Maximum Leader, they have chosen their path. Let them walk it.
I am horrified, yet fascinated.

Greetings again loyal minions. Your Maximum Leader is the gracious recepient of a significant number of petitions, request, news stories, and offers for a particular Pfizer product. Firstly, let your Maximum Leader assure you that, as I am the greatest of all naked villains; I have no need of chemical enhancements to my natural puissance.

But, I digress. Your Maximum Leader would like to draw your attention to a particular item forwarded to him by a loyal minion who on his morning commute listens to Howard Stern. I was sent this link. Now, for those of you who might be reading this in a public place or at work, your Maximum Leader only has your best interests at heart when he suggests you not click through to view the page.

When your Maximum Leader saw this site the words of his Minster of War came to mind. "It was like watching a toilet overflow. Grotesque and fascinating all at the same time. I was horrified, yet I could not look away."

I suppose that "Hunting for Bambi" is just another sign of the decadent nature of our western society. And yet another signpost on the road to the coming MWO. Of course, in the MWO services like "Hunting for Bambi" will not be widely available to the great unwashed masses. It will only be available to the loyal minions of your Maximum Leader. (That is if Mrs. Maximum Leader gives her okay on the whole matter. She is afterall the Minister of Morality in addition to being Mrs. Maximum Leader.)

So, enjoy it while you can...
Finally... Good news from science!

Glad to see those aussies still know how to do serious science. It does your Maximum Leader's heart (and other parts of him) good to read these stories. Get the facts here.

July 16, 2003

Mother Nature is herself foiled!

Yes! Foiled I say. She is overcome by an AMEX card! The storms of last week sent a power surge through my cable modem and fryed my poor NIC card. Well, with an AMEX card and some assistance from a blue shirted teenaged girl at Best Buy I was able to get a new NIC card. And now I am here. So modern technology, capitalism, a market economy, just-in-time inventory, and mega retailers are able to overcome the temporary set backs thrown up by nature.

I added some more links today. I had to add links to two of my favourite people. The Big Hominid Blog link takes you to the site of my best buddy. He will (when the Mike World Order - henceforth MWO - begins) one day be Poet Laureate for the Maximum Leader. This will, of course, require that he dress like a medieval jester and learn to play a flute while prancing around my great hall. But, that will be a small task compared to the rich payoff of being my minion and loyal henchman. The John Derbyshire Home Page link takes you to my favourite journalist, writer, commentator. You might have read his work on National Review Online. You may want to purchase his new book, Prime Obsession. For that matter, you might want to purchase the Big Hominid's book, Scary Spasms in Hairy Chasms. They are both very fun, but in very different ways.

I had to also put a link out there to Conservative Uberbabe Ann Coulter. Ooooohhhhhh..... Tall, blonde, brilliant, ideologically pure, and willing to call Katie Couric names! If there wasn't a Mrs. Maximum Leader, I would be pitching woo at her all the time. I would have to put my plans for world domination on hold whilst I tried to win her heart... I am sure she would be interested in becoming my consort in the MWO. But since there is a Mrs. Maximum Leader, all I can offer Ann is the role of Minister of Justice in the MWO.

And since the Maximum Leader is bearing his soul. He must admit he has a certain fondness for Jennifer Love Hewitt. I can't really put a finger on it. She certainly is a babe. She can act better than many "so called" actresses out there. She can sing. (Certainly better than the Maximum Leader.) And I just like her. So there!

And since I am explaining links... The World's Greatest Tabloid is without question, The Sun of Great Britain. Sensationalist news, scandals, and Page 3 girls. To paraphrase Mary Poppins, "The Sun is practically perfect in every way." The same could be said for me... But, I digress.

The Monarchist League link is a nice general resource set up by people who love monarchy. I love monarchy myself. I plan on setting up my own. The MWO will be a benevolent Monarchy. Benevolent to those who stay on my (or my Justice Minister's) good side that is.

So what does the Maximum Leader have on tap for the ole blog site over the next few days? I hope to post some thoughts about some lawsuits brought by convicts. (If you want to research this item before reading my post. The NPR story that prompted these thoughts is here.) I also will write something about a subject on which I have ruminated quite a bit. It has to do with Letters of Marque and Reprisal. (If you want to know what prompted this. Check out Article 1, Section 8, Clause 10) But, more on that later.

Well, my dear minions. I am off to sleep. Perchance, I shall dream. (Perhaps of Ann Coulter, or Jennifer Love Hewitt! But most likely of Mrs. Maximum Leader.) In the meanwhile, continue to await the MWO!

July 14, 2003

Curses! Foiled again!

Well, I have not written anything because mother nature has conspired against me. There were bad thunderstorms in my area last week, and a power surge or some other phenomina has knocked out my internet connection at home. Thus, I only can access the web from work. And as that is the case, I just don't have hours of free time at work to blog away.

July 10, 2003

Well... Day two of my blog and what do I have to show for it? Two pathetic little sentences. But! (And it is a big but!) I have started to get my villainous brain in gear and hope to post something meaty very soon.

July 09, 2003

At long last. I have gotten off my arse and begun to publish my wicked rantings to the whole world!